Thursday, February 8, 2007

Greek Comedy

Anna Nicole Smith is dead, and apparently is wasn't an overdose. Either that or Wolfe Blitzer is afraid of that word.

The Chicago Tribune has posted a time line of her life. What a sad, sad woman indeed.

1967: Anna Nicole Smith enters the world as Vickie Lynn Hogan in Houston, Texas.

I wonder is she's related to The Hogans...

1985: While working at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken Smith, 17, meets fry cook Billy Wayne Smith, 16, and the two are married. One year later she gives birth to her son Daniel Wayne Smith.

Married at 16, had a baby at 17. With a guy she met at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken. Just let that sink in a little.

1987: Smith separates from Billy Wayne and takes her son Daniel to Houston where she finds work at Red Lobster, then later as an exotic dancer.

So now she's 18. Everybody up to speed? 18, divorced with a one-year old, and a waitress/stripper.

1991: Smith meets oil billionaire J. Howard Marshall at a strip club where she's performing. She takes modeling and voice lessons, and auditions for Playboy magazine.

Can you honestly say you would have done differently? I mean, if you somehow became an 18 year-old-single-mom-stripper.

1993: Smith is named Playmate of the Year and officially becomes divorced from Billy Wayne.

Ok, so apparently it took a little time to actually divorce her baby-daddy. I wonder why it took SIX YEARS...

1994: Smith marries J. Howard Marshall in Houston. He is 89; she is 26.

Things are becoming a little more clear now. What she needed was a little motivation.

1995: Marshall dies 14 months after their marriage. Within weeks Smith squares off against Marshall's son E. Pierce Marshall in court, claiming Marshall promised her half of his $1.6 billion estate.

Or a lot of motivation. $1.6 billion worth of motivation.

There's a whole lot now that I'm going to skip because we've all heard it before and no one cares. Ok? Ok.

September 2006: Smith's daughter Daniellyn is born at Doctors Hospital in the Bahamas. Three days later Smith's son Daniel is found dead in his mother's hospital room. Eighteen days after Daniel's death Smith exchanges rings with Stern at an informal "commitment ceremony" on a ship in the Bahamas.

Ah the glory of irrational grief-stricken hormone-clouded decisions.

Feb. 8, 2007: Smith collapses at the Florida Hard Rock Casino and dies shortly after.

A sad end to a sad life. I just wonder how long it will take before
a) people start using the word "overdose"
b) TrimSpa issues a massive recall
c) Angelina or Madonna adopts Daniellyn.
d) Jennifer Aniston jumps back in the game by preempting Angelina and Madonna.

1 comment:

Niall said...

Wow... Earth-shattering news right there. Love the background... it's so... homey.

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