I have been in such a funk lately. I don't even know why really. Every time in the past month or so that I've thought about writing a new post, I just sighed heavily and did something else instead. So today I'm forcing myslef to get over it and write something.
The main thing, I think, is that my life has become pretty much unchanging from one day to the next. That isn't conducive to telling stories, which is what I love to do. Right now, my life is: get up, go to work, come home, read/watch TV, sleep, get up, do it all again. Weekends don't really bring that much variation. I'm either too broke to go do something fun, or I have no one to do anything with.
I'm trying to find an apartment in a different part of town, so hopefully that will put me in a situation that is better for meeting new people and hanging out with friends. There are places available, it's just that none of them are inside of the area I want to live in. Everything available right now is on the edges of the neighborhood. I want to live in the middle. So I'm waiting and looking and waiting and looking. There is one place that looks like it would be awesome, but of course, they don't allow pets.
Speaking of pets, I have a sort of funny story about Singe. I took her to the vet again last week for a checkup. There was a new technician who had never seen Singe before (and who also looked like Pauly Shore). He asked me how she was doing, and I responded that she's doing really well. He gave me a strange look and told me that the vet would be in shortly. A few minutes later I heard her laughing right before she came in the room. She said to Pauly, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you had seen this cat two months ago, you would believe that she looks great now." I took a more critical look at Singe. Here's what you would see if this is the first time you looked at her: a 20 pound cat with a cone on her head and a three inch wide circular wound on her right flank, as well as a weird bunch of scar tissue up and down her right flank. Yes, doing really well indeed. But compared to even one month ago? She really is doing amazingly well. She has bounced back from an L-form infection in her skin that had been making her body so crazy that she was developing autoimmune dermatitis. If it had remained untreated, her skin would basically have started sloughing off. No, thank you. So far, the only adverse reactions she's had to being pumped full of antibiotics and steroids is a very occasional puke. When considering that the possible outcomes included her not recovering at all or developing diabetes, she really is doing amazingly well.
But other than taking care of Singe and working, I don't have a whole lot going on to write about here. I mean, sure I see gross people at Wal-Mart, but I text about that to the three people who read this, so retelling those little stories seems redundant. I tried giving myself assignments for projects, but you can see how well that's gone. I just don't have a whole lot to talk about here.
Showing posts with label stuff and things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stuff and things. Show all posts
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Pilot
Airdate 9/19/05"In 2029, Ted tells his children the story of how he met their mother, beginning back in 2005 with Marshall and Lily's engagement. Ted, eager to find his soul mate, meets Robin, and sets his sights on marrying her."
The opening title reads "The year 2030" (which is not 2029, like the episode blurb on the DVD case. Good job editors.) and we fade in to two teenagers sitting on a couch, a boy and a girl. SagetTed tells the kids that he is going to tell them "an incredibly story, the story of how I met your mother." The boy wants to know if they are being punished for something and the girl's horribly, horizontal zigzag patterned tights want to know if this is going to take a while. The answers are no and yes, respectively. The kids settle into the couch as SagetTed begins four seasons worth of storytelling.
Over a montage of photos of Ted drinking, being an architect, drinking, hanging out with Marshall and Lily, and drinking, we learn that in the year 2005 Ted was 27 and just starting out in his career as an architect. Ted's life was pretty good, until Marshall screwed it all up. The last photo of Marshall on his knees holding a ring box comes to life as he imploringly asks "Will you marry me?" Ted says yes. Hee. Ted is excited about his friends getting engaged, describing the rest of the night of champagne and sex on the kitchen floor. Then he asks Marshall to please not have sex on the kitchen floor. I look over at my kitchen floor and think, gross.
Marshall thanks Ted for helping him plan this out, and Ted remembers being there for all the "big moments" with Marshall and Lily. I don't see how this is one of those moments, since Ted will, in fact, not be there when Marshall proposes, but maybe he means there in spirit? Anyway, the "big moments" that Ted was present for include the night they met, their first date, "other first things". Marshall claims that he and Lily thought Ted was sleeping. EW. Ted explains that physics dictates that when the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves also. EW EW! People. Don't have sex with your roommates present. Unless they are invited. Ted once again expresses his wonder that Marshall is getting engaged tonight. Marshall and his awesome shirt ask what Ted is doing that night. We freeze on Ted lifting his beer to his lips as SagetTed tells his kids that during the biggest night of Uncle Marshall's life, he was "calling up your Uncle Barney", saying Barney's name with much contempt. Shut up SagetTed, Barney is awesome. Cut to Barney getting his face shaved, like at the barber with a straight razor and hot towels and such. He informs Ted that Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. When Ted asks if Barney wants to do something, Barney tells him to meet him at the bar in fifteen minutes and "SUIT UP!", then flips his phone closed. Not one for conventional goodbyes, that Barney.
Barney is standing at the bar, suited up, beer in hand when Ted enters. How did Barney get to the bar before Ted when Ted lives directly above the bar? Maybe he had to do his hair. Ok, focus. Barney is upset that Ted is not wearing a suit. Apparently Ted never wears a suit. Ted claims he did "that one time". Barney, disgusted, "It was a blazer."
Ted ignores this completely and waxes nostalgic about his friendship with Marshall and Lily, and expresses worry that he will be on the outs with them once they are married and starting a family. He doesn't want to be "the weird, middle aged bachelor their kids call Uncle Ted." Does he mean like SagetTed's kids refer to Barney as Uncle Barney? Barney smacks Ted on the side of the head and I giggle, because hitting Ted is always funny. Barney tells Ted to remember what he said to Ted on the night they met.
Side slide to Ted sitting in a booth at the bar, sporting a goatee that is masterful in its doucheness. Barney slides into the booth next to Ted. Ted appears to be talking to some other blond guy in the booth, but as we only see the back of his head, and only this one time, I don't care about him. Barney tells Ted that he is going to teach Ted how to live. Barney is wearing a black shirt with white vertical stripes paired with a royal blue tie with a white diamond pattern on it. Ted looks at him searchingly, as would I. That shirt and tie are fighting with my retinas. Barney reminds Ted that they met at the urinal. Guys do that? I thought there were all these rules about urinals, and how you can't stand next to each other or make eye contact, let alone talk. How do those rules allow for an introduction? Maybe Barney is just a rebel. The clashing patterns he's wearing make me think so.
Barney's rules for living life are that Ted should lose the goatee (agreed), and buy a suit, because "suits are cool. Exhibit A", with a gesture at himself. The close up allows me to see that Barney's tie is actually black with maroon and pale blue circles on it. Which amounts to him pairing stripes with polka dots. My eyes are screaming. Anyway, lesson three is that Ted should not even think about getting married until he's thirty. We slide back to Ted saying that Barney is right, he should wait until thirty to think about marriage. He supposes that "when your best friend gets engaged, you start thinking about that stuff." Barney protests that he thought he was Ted's best friend and demands that Ted say that he is. Ted humors him. Barney, as Ted's best friend and all, suggests that they play Haaaaaaaaaaave you met Ted? Ted protests that he doesn't want to play, but Barney ignores him and taps the woman next to him on the arm and says, "Hi, have you met Ted?", and skedaddles. Ted greats her and the very attractive woman introduces herself to Ted as Yasmin. He complements her name and she tells him that it's Lebanese.
Up in the apartment, Lily comes home and puts her bags down on the couch. Marshall greets her through the kitchen cut out and comes into the living room as Lily says that she is exhausted because "it was finger painting day at school and a five year old got to second base". She opens her jacket to reveal a blue hand print directly on her right breast. She is excited that Marshall is cooking, but wants to be sure that it's a good idea, since Marshall "looked really creepy without eyebrows" after the last time he cooked. He says he can handle it and that he is full of surprises tonight. Lily wants to know what other surprises he has for her, like that won't completely ruin the point of a surprise. Marshall panics and yells "Boogedy boo!" at her while waving his arms around. Hee. Also, SagetTed tells us that Marshall is in his second year of law school. Marshall claims that there are no other surprises for Lily. He goes back into the kitchen to cook.
Back in the bar, Ted and Yasmin are sitting at a table while Ted tells her how happy he is for Marshall, but that he can't imagine settling down right now. Yasmin wants to know if he thinks he'll ever get married. Ted does, to the point of describing his future wedding "some fall day, possibly in Central Park. Simple ceremony, we'll write our own vows. Band, no DJ. People will dance! I'm not gonna worry about it." Man, Ted is a basket case. He bemoans his best friend getting engaged, like, way to be happy for him there Ted. He then mocks himself to Yasmin for planning his own wedding, but she claims that she thinks it's cute. Ted says that she is clearly drunk, and orders another glass of white wine for her, but he does it by holding up her glass, waggling it at the bar and yelling "One more for the lady!" Which is funny in the context of their conversation, but to the bartender Ted probably just looks like an asshole.
Back in the apartment, Lily is now cooking, wearing a red and white striped apron that I am coveting. Marshall hops off the counter he was sitting on and tells Lily to "look what I got [sic]", as he hands her a bottle of champagne. Lily tells him how sweet he is and hands it back to him. He just says, "Yeaaaah..." and hands the bottle right back to her. She remonstrates him that he is an adult and should not be afraid to open a bottle of champagne. Really, Marshall it's not that hard. He says that he's not scared, so Lily calls his bluff and tells him to open it. He takes the bottle back from her and, after considering for a moment, hands it back to Lily asking her to please open it. She calls him unbelievable and yells at him while the bottom half of the screen takes us back to Ted and Yasmin in the bar. SagetTed talks about two big questions that a man has to ask in life while Lily and Ted pass the bottle back and forth (which is not going to make it easier to open) and Ted stares at Yasmin intently. Ted is lucky that he's hot, because he is often very creepy. Anyway, SagetTed tells us that one of the questions you plan out for months and the other just slips out while you are drunk at some bar. As he says this, Marshall drops to one knee and whips out the ring for Lily and asks her to marry him. She yells, "Of course, you idiot!" and knocks his into the living room with the force of her hug. At the same time, Ted asks Yasmin if she would like to have dinner, and she shoots him down because Carl, the bartender, is her boyfriend. Hah! I bet he thinks you're an even bigger asshole than before! And, really, SagetTed? Those are the Two Big Questions that a man asks in life? How is asking a pretty woman that you are talking to at a bar to dinner even in the same category as asking your girlfriend of many years to marry you?
Back up in the apartment, Marshall and Lily sit up on the kitchen floor after having sex on it, just like Marshall told Ted he would not do. Marshall clearly has difficulties respecting other people's comfort level with respect to him having sex. Lily informs him that there's a pop tart under the fridge, and Marshall calls dibs. This couple is grossing me out right now. Marshall grabs the champagne off the counter so he can drink a toast to his fiancé. Lily kisses him and gets up off the floor, presumably to finish cooking dinner, while Marshall takes the metal wire contraption off of the cork. Marshall wonders why he was scared of opening a bottle of champagne, and pops the cork out with his thumb, which is the complete wrong way to open champagne. You are supposed to cup your hand over the cork, hold the bottle at a 45 degree angle, and turn the bottle while easing the cork out. As expected, the cork goes flying and foam comes pouring out. Off screen, Lily screams and Marshall covers his mouth in shock.
Back in the bar, Ted wonders why he is freaking out as he knows that he's not ready to settle down. Barney wonders how Carl is dating Yasmin, the Lebanese woman, as Carl doesn't even own a suit. Ted decides that even if he was ready to get married, which he emphatically is not, he has no one to get married with. He says, "It's like, ok, I'm ready, where is she?", turning as he says this to see a beautiful woman in a green turtleneck, and I'm not going to pretend I don't know that she is Robin.
Robin talks with some other woman while Ted makes googly eyes at her like the doof that he is. She notices and smiles at him, and they appear to have a moment. Ted turns to Barney and asks if he sees that girl. Barney thinks that she likes it dirty. I giggle, because I am an eight year old. Barney tells Ted to go say hi, but Ted starts to get all neurotic, making a plan to wait for her to go to the bathroom and then go stand casually by the jukebox. We don't hear how this plan will play out because Robin has walked over to the bar where Barney taps her on the shoulder and says, "Haaaaave you met Ted?" and hightails it outta there.
Cut to Lily and Marshall climbing into a cab, Lily holding an ice bag to her left eye (that is the same as the ice bag I had growing up. Aw, memories. That ice bag was held to many an injury. I come from a long line of klutzes.) and Marshall is apologizing profusely to her. Marshall asks the cabbie to take them to the hospital, but the cabbie demands to know if Marshall hit Lily. Lily scoffs at this idea, telling the cabbie that Marshall can barely bring himself to spank her in the bedroom. She explains that Marshall is like "Oh honey did that hurt?" while she taps the ice bag, and how she is like "C'mon lemme have it, ya pansy!" Lily then realizes that she is telling this to a total stranger. This couple definitely has issues with maintaining their own privacy. Marshall does not look pleased with her assessment of his bedroom skills. The cabbie creeps them both out by telling Lily to continue and asking if she is pajamas or naked while Marshall spanks her. Guh.
Back in the bar, Robin is telling Ted that she works for Metro News one, but she is only reporting on fluff pieces currently, "like the monkey who can play the ukulele", but she is hoping to get bigger stories soon. Ted jokes about a gorilla playing the upright bass. Lame Ted. Robin waves to a group of women sitting in a booth, none of whom look pleased that she is talking to Ted. He comments on that fact, so at least he is perceptive of that. Robin explains that the one in the middle just got dumped, so men are not in the picture tonight. Ted offers to let Robin throw a drink at him if it will help. I have always wanted to do that! Apparently so has Robin. Ted asks Robin to dinner on Saturday, but she can't because she is covering a story in Orlando for a week about a man who is going to make the world's largest pancake and then eat it. Ted shoots for the following night and Robin accepts. She slips him her business card and then throws her drink in his face and leaves, saying that it was fun. I bet it would have been more fun if she hit him in the middle of his face, instead of the top corner of his forehead.
Barney comes back over to mock Ted with the first "wait for it" of the show, saying "De-wait for it-nied. Denied!" Yay! I love "wait for it"! Ted corrects Barney that he is actually going out with Robin the following night. Barney is upset because he and Ted were supposed to play laser tag. Ted lets Barney down that they were never going to play laser tag.
The next night, Ted and Robin are having dinner. There is a fireplace in the restaurant with a blue french horn hanging above the mantle. Robin comments that it is bad ass. Ted agrees and likens it to a Smurf penis. What? Then the camera freezes on Ted making the greatest face ever. He looks like the cartoon Grinch when he smiles at the end because his heart grew three sizes. While his face is thus frozen, SagetTed cautions his son that it is not a great idea to say the words "Smurf penis" on a first date, unless you are with a woman as awesome as Robin. How old are his kids, is what I want to know. Robin giggles about Smurf penises, as do I now that I stop to consider the idea.
Back at the apartment, Lily is sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine and wearing an eye patch over her left eye. That would make my head hurt. Marshall is sitting next to her on her left with his laptop on his, well, lap. He turns to her and calls her name. Lily jumps and demands to know how long he has been sitting there. Har har. Lily's cute and all, but there is no way you wouldn't notice someone sitting next to you while they are doing anything with a laptop. There is clicking and typing and just noise in general. Nice try show. You ain't foolin' me.
Ted comes in and announces that he has met "The Future Mrs. Ted Mosby", calling Lily and Marshall Mom and Dad while he does so. Why can't she just be The Future Mrs. Mosby? And what makes you think she will take your last name anyway? Sorry, Ted just irritates me sometimes. Anyway, Lily and Marshall perk up and Ted asks Marshall, "How have I always described my perfect woman?" Marshall considers and comes up with the list, and a mighty long one it is. She likes dogs-cut to Robin telling Ted that she has five dogs. She likes scotch-cut to Robin saying, "I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch." She can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters-cut to Robin doing just that. Wow Ted, those are some high standards you have there buddy. No wonder you're single. Ted tells them that there is one more thing and we cut to Robin asking Ted if he wants some olives, saying that she hates them. Lily and Marshall are very excited about this and Lily says "the Olive Theory" with much affection. Back in the restaurant, Ted explains to Robin that the Olive Theory is based on Lily and Marshall, since Marshall hates olives and Lily loves them. Ted says, "In a weird way, that's what makes them perfect as a couple. The perfect balance." Yes, that's all you need to have balance in a relationship folks. One person who likes olives and one who hates them. I'm starting to see why Ted is single. Robin appears more intrigued than I am and tells Ted that she has a jar of olives in her fridge that has been there forever. Ted offers to take them off of her hands. She replies, "They're all yours." Is it hot in here?
Up in the apartment Marshall yells that it is on, and robots that it is on to the break of dawn, and that's when Marshall wins my heart. Anyone who is that willing to make a fool of himself is good people in my book. You can tell that Josh Radnor was really laughing at him too. Lily points out that it's only 10:30 and asks what happened.
Robin and Ted walk down the sidewalk, presumably to go back to her place so she can give him the jar of olives. There's a gross euphemism. Robin is talking about how she really wants a blue french horn for her fireplace. Ted offers her different colored instruments, such as a green clarinet, but she will accept no substitutes, saying "It's a Smurf penis, or no dice." Well it looks like Ted is in for a night of disappointment. I spoke too soon, because just then a news van pulls up to them and the woman in the van tells Robin that there is a man on the Manhattan bridge trying to jump off, and Robin gets to cover it. Robin tells them she'll be right there and turns to Ted and apologizes, saying that she had a great time. Back in the apartment Marshall want to know if Ted kissed her. Ted says that the moment wasn't right. Lily and Marshall are disappointed, but Ted protests that, since this woman could be his wife, he wants their first kiss to be amazing. Lily seems charmed, but it's just a setup because she says, "Awww, Ted that is so sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch?" Hah. Marshall nods along, because really, Ted, it's just a kiss. Ted is offended at being called a chicken and gets all Marty McFly on Lily, calling her "a pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college." Ted, I would watch it if I were you. Marshall looks pretty pissed. Lily argues that any single person, even the dumbest single person alive, would tell him the same thing, and if Ted doesn't believe her, he should call that person.
Cut to Barney doing a spectacular somersault dive so that he lands up against a wall in the laser tag...arena, I guess? He answers his phone with "Hey loser, how's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome" and then yells at a kid, Conner, who runs by that he killed Conner already and he's going to get Conner's mom. Ted asks him for his opinion on something. Barney says to meet him at the bar in fifteen minutes and demands that Ted suit up. Never gonna happen Barney.
At the bar, Ted, Lily, Marshall and Barney are sitting at a table and Ted is asking Barney if he agrees with Lily and Marshall that Ted chickened out. Barney can't believe that Ted isn't wearing a suit. Ted protests that Robin didn't give him the signal, whatever that is. Barney mocks him by blinking "Ted kiss me" in morse code. Also, Barney's shirt-tie combo is much better than the one I was railing about earlier. He's got a light pink shirt with a dark vertical stripe in it paired with a deep purple tie with pale blue swirlys on it. Over that he's wearing a dark blue jacket with a grey stripe. It's like, a thousand times better. Ted continues to protest that you shouldn't kiss someone without getting the signal. Barney, frustrated, turns and grabs Marshall's head and kisses him. Hah! Barney asks if Marshall gave him the signal, and Marshall very seriously turns to Lily and says, "I didn't, I swear!" Aw. Barney explains that he can now sleep tonight knowing that he and Marshall are never going to happen, and tells Ted that he should have kissed Robin. Ted finally agrees that he should have kissed her. He suggests doing it in a week when she gets back from Orlando, but Barney tells him that a week is like a year in "hot girl time" and that Robin will forget about Ted by then, and that Ted will never see her again. At that moment, Ted sees Robin on the tv above the bar, reporting on the Manhattan bridge guy. Lily says that she's cute and asks Carl to turn it up. Robin reports that the man came down off the ledge and everything is fine. Ted decides that he's going to go kiss her, right now. Marshall protests that it's midnight, but Ted doesn't care. He tries to build a metaphor about how kissing Robin is like the guy on the bridge, but it falls apart at the end when Ted realizes that his ending is getting married and having kids and the others guys ending is death from bridge jumping. Barney corrects him that it is a perfect metaphor, and congratulates Lily and Marshall on their engagement. They all start to leave except Barney, who will only go along on one condition. Cut to the four of them in a cab (driven by Ranjit!) where Barney says, "Look atcha, you beautiful bastard, you suited up!" See, it doesn't take much to make Barney happy. Also, this is going in Barney's blog. Ted asks Ranjit to stop the car and he runs into the restaurant where he and Robin had dinner and grabs the blue french horn off the chimney and runs out with it. It's so sweet when guys break the law for you. He hops back in the cab yelling, "Go! Go! Go!" and Marshall, Lily and Barney look at him like the crazy jackass that he is. He holds up the blue french horn and says, "Everybody brings flowers." Touché, Ted.
They pull up to Robin's building and Ted tries to psyche himself up. Barney is excited that Ted is going to sleep with a tv reporter, saying, "This just in..." and looking at Lily with his hand raised for a high five. She just shakes her head no at him and he lowers his hand. That was one of my favorite moments in the whole episode. Lily and Marshall rally for Ted, telling him to go kiss the crap out of that girl. Ew. Ted tells Mashall to remember this story, because he is going to tell it when he's the best man at Ted and Robin's wedding. Ted gets out of the cab and Barney demands to know why Marshall gets to be the best man, since he is Ted's best friend. SagetTed tells us that he was thinking many things as he walked up to Robin's door, but he forgot about her five dogs. Ruh roh. Sure enough, after he rings the bell, much barking is heard. Ted starts to run away, but is admonished by Lily and Barney, who yells, "You're wearing a suit!" at him. He goes back. Robin and two dogs stick their heads out of an upstairs window and Ted tries to say that he was just in the neighborhood, but only gets as far as "I was just, ah...", and he simply holds up the blue french horn. Robin tells him to come up.
Back in the cab, Barney asks Ranjit is he knows a lot of Lebanese women. Ranjit corrects him that he is from Bangladesh. Barney want to know if there are hot women there, and Lily reaches her Barney limit and goes off in search of a bathroom. Ranjit shows Barney a picture of his wife. Barney cringes and whispers to Marshall that a simple no would have sufficed. Marshall covers his face. Barney tells Ranjit that his wife is lovely.
Upstairs in Robin's apartment, Robin wants to know what brings Ted to Brooklyn at 1:00 AM in a suit. Ted says that he wants the olives she said he could have. She asks if he wants them with gin and vermouth. Ted asks if she is trying to get him drunk, and Robin sidles over to him, pushes play on her cd player and says, "For starters," as sexy music begins to play. She turns to go into the kitchen and Ted mouths "thank you". Word. That was hot, and I am 100% straight.
Back in the cab, Barney is asking Marshall about his dislike of olives. Barney claims that he saw Marshall eat olives at a Spanish bar two weeks ago and asks him, "What up?" Marshall, caught, tells Barney to swear that this never leaves the cab. Barney swears. Ranjit also swears. Marshall explains that he really does like olives, but on their first date, Lily asked if she could have his olives, so he pretended not to like them. Even thought he really did like olives, Mashall was eighteen, a virgin, and had been waiting his whole life for a pretty girl to want his olives. Oh, hello Euphamism. It's been a little while. Where you in the shower, or something? Barney offers an early wedding present to Marshall. His present is, "Don't get married."
Back upstairs in Robin's apartment, sexy music plays and Ted and Robin sway with their hands on each other's waists while her five dogs watch them. Robin likes his olive theory. Ted likes her new french horn. Robin likes his nose. Weird, but ok. Some people have nice noses. I've never thought Ted's was particularly handsome, but alright. Ted thinks he's in love with Robin. He says it. Out loud. Cut to Lily, Marshall and Barney yelling "What!?" Cut to Ted's future kids yelling "What!?" Cut to Robin yelling "What!?"
Down in the cab, Barney tries to convince Marshall that Marshall is hungry for experience and that he's only getting married becasue he's afraid of living or some crap like that. Marshall agrees that he is scared, but that when he thinks about Lily and being married to her and being with only her for the rest of his life, it doesn't scare him at all, and he's going to marry her. Lily has returned from the bathroom just in time to hear this, and she reaches in the cab window to kiss Marshall. He stops her and confessess that he likes olives. Lily tells him, "We'll make it work," and kisses him. Aw. They are so sweet. Ranjit agrees.
Back upstairs, Ted and Robin and sitting on her couch. Ted is uncomfortable and Robin is confused. Ted tries to change the subject by bringing up her trip to Orlando, but Robin just yells at him, "You love me?" Ted can't believe he said that and decides that he should go. Robin tells him to wait and hands him the jar of olives. Ted thanks her and tells her that he loves her again, immediately yelling "what is wrong with me?" For real Ted. Get your shit together.
Down in the cab, Barney wants to know why they are still there, and suggests going back to the bar. He even tempts Lily with "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum" in a pirate voice. Hee. Lily is fed up and takes her eye patch off. Lily says that they can't abandon Ted, because they will need to support him if things don't go well. Marshall points out that it's been like twenty minutes and asks Barney if he thinks they're having sex. Ted and Robin, not Marshall and Barney. Barney wonders if they're doing it in front of the dogs. Marshall offers up "doggie style" and I giggle because I'm immature. Barney starts to tell a story about a girl he knew in college who had a golden retreiver, but Lily is grossed out and interrupts him, saying that they can go to the bar if he will stop talking. I imagine that happens a lot.
Ted exits Robin's building, asking her to call him eccentric instead of psycho when she tells this story to her friends. Don't count on it Ted. She says, "Goodnight, Psycho," and Ted puts his hand over his heart like it hurts and heads out. When he sees that the cab is gone he turns back and asks Robin how to get the the F train and she gives him directions. After a few steps, Td changes his mind and turns back saying, "You know what? I'm done being single." Man, that line pisses me off so much. I feel a rant coming on. It's like, is Robin just supposed to be your girlfriend just because you decided that you're "done being single"? I'm sorry for your immense problem of singleness Ted, really I am. Ugh. I really don't like Ted sometimes. Anyway, his monologue continues that it sucks that guys can't tell a girl that they love her on the first date, and that if some woman were able to put up with his shit, he would be a good husband because he would make he laugh and walk her dogs. Ted is in for a rude awakening when he learns that being a good husband takes more than that. Right now I am mentally telling Robin to run for the hills, because Ted is sounding like a selfish child and like his idea of love is immature and romanticized in the extreme. He also claims that he's a good kisser, but Robin tells him that everyone thinks they are a good kisser. Ted has references. Whatever. Robin shakes his hand and stares longingly at him.
Back at the bar Ted tells Barney, Lily and Marshall that the night ended with that handshake and he'll probably never see Robin again. They all stare at him. He asks what. Marshall: That was the signal. Lily agrees that he should have kissed her. Barney says that there is no such thing as the signal, but that was it. Ranjit pops out and says, "Signaaaaal". Carl comes over with a bottle of champagne for them and tells Ted he should have kissed her. Marshall says there's somthing he has to do, grabs the bottle and opens it. Lily is turned on. Keep it to yourself sister. Ted is going on that he has seen this signal and that was not it. Barney fills in for me with, "Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore." Marshall toasts his fiancé, Lily toasts the future, and Ranjit toasts one hell of a night. They all clink glasses and drink. Ted again says that it was not the signal. SagetTed tells his kids that he asked Robin about it later and she said it was the signal. Then he babbles about destiny and being to close to the puzzle to see the big picture and other such nonsense. Then he breaks it to the kids that this is how he met Aunt Robin. The kids are confused, saying they thought he was telling them how he met their mother. He's getting to it, it's a long story.
The opening title reads "The year 2030" (which is not 2029, like the episode blurb on the DVD case. Good job editors.) and we fade in to two teenagers sitting on a couch, a boy and a girl. SagetTed tells the kids that he is going to tell them "an incredibly story, the story of how I met your mother." The boy wants to know if they are being punished for something and the girl's horribly, horizontal zigzag patterned tights want to know if this is going to take a while. The answers are no and yes, respectively. The kids settle into the couch as SagetTed begins four seasons worth of storytelling.
Over a montage of photos of Ted drinking, being an architect, drinking, hanging out with Marshall and Lily, and drinking, we learn that in the year 2005 Ted was 27 and just starting out in his career as an architect. Ted's life was pretty good, until Marshall screwed it all up. The last photo of Marshall on his knees holding a ring box comes to life as he imploringly asks "Will you marry me?" Ted says yes. Hee. Ted is excited about his friends getting engaged, describing the rest of the night of champagne and sex on the kitchen floor. Then he asks Marshall to please not have sex on the kitchen floor. I look over at my kitchen floor and think, gross.
Marshall thanks Ted for helping him plan this out, and Ted remembers being there for all the "big moments" with Marshall and Lily. I don't see how this is one of those moments, since Ted will, in fact, not be there when Marshall proposes, but maybe he means there in spirit? Anyway, the "big moments" that Ted was present for include the night they met, their first date, "other first things". Marshall claims that he and Lily thought Ted was sleeping. EW. Ted explains that physics dictates that when the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves also. EW EW! People. Don't have sex with your roommates present. Unless they are invited. Ted once again expresses his wonder that Marshall is getting engaged tonight. Marshall and his awesome shirt ask what Ted is doing that night. We freeze on Ted lifting his beer to his lips as SagetTed tells his kids that during the biggest night of Uncle Marshall's life, he was "calling up your Uncle Barney", saying Barney's name with much contempt. Shut up SagetTed, Barney is awesome. Cut to Barney getting his face shaved, like at the barber with a straight razor and hot towels and such. He informs Ted that Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. When Ted asks if Barney wants to do something, Barney tells him to meet him at the bar in fifteen minutes and "SUIT UP!", then flips his phone closed. Not one for conventional goodbyes, that Barney.
Barney is standing at the bar, suited up, beer in hand when Ted enters. How did Barney get to the bar before Ted when Ted lives directly above the bar? Maybe he had to do his hair. Ok, focus. Barney is upset that Ted is not wearing a suit. Apparently Ted never wears a suit. Ted claims he did "that one time". Barney, disgusted, "It was a blazer."
Ted ignores this completely and waxes nostalgic about his friendship with Marshall and Lily, and expresses worry that he will be on the outs with them once they are married and starting a family. He doesn't want to be "the weird, middle aged bachelor their kids call Uncle Ted." Does he mean like SagetTed's kids refer to Barney as Uncle Barney? Barney smacks Ted on the side of the head and I giggle, because hitting Ted is always funny. Barney tells Ted to remember what he said to Ted on the night they met.
Side slide to Ted sitting in a booth at the bar, sporting a goatee that is masterful in its doucheness. Barney slides into the booth next to Ted. Ted appears to be talking to some other blond guy in the booth, but as we only see the back of his head, and only this one time, I don't care about him. Barney tells Ted that he is going to teach Ted how to live. Barney is wearing a black shirt with white vertical stripes paired with a royal blue tie with a white diamond pattern on it. Ted looks at him searchingly, as would I. That shirt and tie are fighting with my retinas. Barney reminds Ted that they met at the urinal. Guys do that? I thought there were all these rules about urinals, and how you can't stand next to each other or make eye contact, let alone talk. How do those rules allow for an introduction? Maybe Barney is just a rebel. The clashing patterns he's wearing make me think so.
Barney's rules for living life are that Ted should lose the goatee (agreed), and buy a suit, because "suits are cool. Exhibit A", with a gesture at himself. The close up allows me to see that Barney's tie is actually black with maroon and pale blue circles on it. Which amounts to him pairing stripes with polka dots. My eyes are screaming. Anyway, lesson three is that Ted should not even think about getting married until he's thirty. We slide back to Ted saying that Barney is right, he should wait until thirty to think about marriage. He supposes that "when your best friend gets engaged, you start thinking about that stuff." Barney protests that he thought he was Ted's best friend and demands that Ted say that he is. Ted humors him. Barney, as Ted's best friend and all, suggests that they play Haaaaaaaaaaave you met Ted? Ted protests that he doesn't want to play, but Barney ignores him and taps the woman next to him on the arm and says, "Hi, have you met Ted?", and skedaddles. Ted greats her and the very attractive woman introduces herself to Ted as Yasmin. He complements her name and she tells him that it's Lebanese.
Up in the apartment, Lily comes home and puts her bags down on the couch. Marshall greets her through the kitchen cut out and comes into the living room as Lily says that she is exhausted because "it was finger painting day at school and a five year old got to second base". She opens her jacket to reveal a blue hand print directly on her right breast. She is excited that Marshall is cooking, but wants to be sure that it's a good idea, since Marshall "looked really creepy without eyebrows" after the last time he cooked. He says he can handle it and that he is full of surprises tonight. Lily wants to know what other surprises he has for her, like that won't completely ruin the point of a surprise. Marshall panics and yells "Boogedy boo!" at her while waving his arms around. Hee. Also, SagetTed tells us that Marshall is in his second year of law school. Marshall claims that there are no other surprises for Lily. He goes back into the kitchen to cook.
Back in the bar, Ted and Yasmin are sitting at a table while Ted tells her how happy he is for Marshall, but that he can't imagine settling down right now. Yasmin wants to know if he thinks he'll ever get married. Ted does, to the point of describing his future wedding "some fall day, possibly in Central Park. Simple ceremony, we'll write our own vows. Band, no DJ. People will dance! I'm not gonna worry about it." Man, Ted is a basket case. He bemoans his best friend getting engaged, like, way to be happy for him there Ted. He then mocks himself to Yasmin for planning his own wedding, but she claims that she thinks it's cute. Ted says that she is clearly drunk, and orders another glass of white wine for her, but he does it by holding up her glass, waggling it at the bar and yelling "One more for the lady!" Which is funny in the context of their conversation, but to the bartender Ted probably just looks like an asshole.
Back in the apartment, Lily is now cooking, wearing a red and white striped apron that I am coveting. Marshall hops off the counter he was sitting on and tells Lily to "look what I got [sic]", as he hands her a bottle of champagne. Lily tells him how sweet he is and hands it back to him. He just says, "Yeaaaah..." and hands the bottle right back to her. She remonstrates him that he is an adult and should not be afraid to open a bottle of champagne. Really, Marshall it's not that hard. He says that he's not scared, so Lily calls his bluff and tells him to open it. He takes the bottle back from her and, after considering for a moment, hands it back to Lily asking her to please open it. She calls him unbelievable and yells at him while the bottom half of the screen takes us back to Ted and Yasmin in the bar. SagetTed talks about two big questions that a man has to ask in life while Lily and Ted pass the bottle back and forth (which is not going to make it easier to open) and Ted stares at Yasmin intently. Ted is lucky that he's hot, because he is often very creepy. Anyway, SagetTed tells us that one of the questions you plan out for months and the other just slips out while you are drunk at some bar. As he says this, Marshall drops to one knee and whips out the ring for Lily and asks her to marry him. She yells, "Of course, you idiot!" and knocks his into the living room with the force of her hug. At the same time, Ted asks Yasmin if she would like to have dinner, and she shoots him down because Carl, the bartender, is her boyfriend. Hah! I bet he thinks you're an even bigger asshole than before! And, really, SagetTed? Those are the Two Big Questions that a man asks in life? How is asking a pretty woman that you are talking to at a bar to dinner even in the same category as asking your girlfriend of many years to marry you?
Back up in the apartment, Marshall and Lily sit up on the kitchen floor after having sex on it, just like Marshall told Ted he would not do. Marshall clearly has difficulties respecting other people's comfort level with respect to him having sex. Lily informs him that there's a pop tart under the fridge, and Marshall calls dibs. This couple is grossing me out right now. Marshall grabs the champagne off the counter so he can drink a toast to his fiancé. Lily kisses him and gets up off the floor, presumably to finish cooking dinner, while Marshall takes the metal wire contraption off of the cork. Marshall wonders why he was scared of opening a bottle of champagne, and pops the cork out with his thumb, which is the complete wrong way to open champagne. You are supposed to cup your hand over the cork, hold the bottle at a 45 degree angle, and turn the bottle while easing the cork out. As expected, the cork goes flying and foam comes pouring out. Off screen, Lily screams and Marshall covers his mouth in shock.
Back in the bar, Ted wonders why he is freaking out as he knows that he's not ready to settle down. Barney wonders how Carl is dating Yasmin, the Lebanese woman, as Carl doesn't even own a suit. Ted decides that even if he was ready to get married, which he emphatically is not, he has no one to get married with. He says, "It's like, ok, I'm ready, where is she?", turning as he says this to see a beautiful woman in a green turtleneck, and I'm not going to pretend I don't know that she is Robin.
Robin talks with some other woman while Ted makes googly eyes at her like the doof that he is. She notices and smiles at him, and they appear to have a moment. Ted turns to Barney and asks if he sees that girl. Barney thinks that she likes it dirty. I giggle, because I am an eight year old. Barney tells Ted to go say hi, but Ted starts to get all neurotic, making a plan to wait for her to go to the bathroom and then go stand casually by the jukebox. We don't hear how this plan will play out because Robin has walked over to the bar where Barney taps her on the shoulder and says, "Haaaaave you met Ted?" and hightails it outta there.
Cut to Lily and Marshall climbing into a cab, Lily holding an ice bag to her left eye (that is the same as the ice bag I had growing up. Aw, memories. That ice bag was held to many an injury. I come from a long line of klutzes.) and Marshall is apologizing profusely to her. Marshall asks the cabbie to take them to the hospital, but the cabbie demands to know if Marshall hit Lily. Lily scoffs at this idea, telling the cabbie that Marshall can barely bring himself to spank her in the bedroom. She explains that Marshall is like "Oh honey did that hurt?" while she taps the ice bag, and how she is like "C'mon lemme have it, ya pansy!" Lily then realizes that she is telling this to a total stranger. This couple definitely has issues with maintaining their own privacy. Marshall does not look pleased with her assessment of his bedroom skills. The cabbie creeps them both out by telling Lily to continue and asking if she is pajamas or naked while Marshall spanks her. Guh.
Back in the bar, Robin is telling Ted that she works for Metro News one, but she is only reporting on fluff pieces currently, "like the monkey who can play the ukulele", but she is hoping to get bigger stories soon. Ted jokes about a gorilla playing the upright bass. Lame Ted. Robin waves to a group of women sitting in a booth, none of whom look pleased that she is talking to Ted. He comments on that fact, so at least he is perceptive of that. Robin explains that the one in the middle just got dumped, so men are not in the picture tonight. Ted offers to let Robin throw a drink at him if it will help. I have always wanted to do that! Apparently so has Robin. Ted asks Robin to dinner on Saturday, but she can't because she is covering a story in Orlando for a week about a man who is going to make the world's largest pancake and then eat it. Ted shoots for the following night and Robin accepts. She slips him her business card and then throws her drink in his face and leaves, saying that it was fun. I bet it would have been more fun if she hit him in the middle of his face, instead of the top corner of his forehead.
Barney comes back over to mock Ted with the first "wait for it" of the show, saying "De-wait for it-nied. Denied!" Yay! I love "wait for it"! Ted corrects Barney that he is actually going out with Robin the following night. Barney is upset because he and Ted were supposed to play laser tag. Ted lets Barney down that they were never going to play laser tag.
The next night, Ted and Robin are having dinner. There is a fireplace in the restaurant with a blue french horn hanging above the mantle. Robin comments that it is bad ass. Ted agrees and likens it to a Smurf penis. What? Then the camera freezes on Ted making the greatest face ever. He looks like the cartoon Grinch when he smiles at the end because his heart grew three sizes. While his face is thus frozen, SagetTed cautions his son that it is not a great idea to say the words "Smurf penis" on a first date, unless you are with a woman as awesome as Robin. How old are his kids, is what I want to know. Robin giggles about Smurf penises, as do I now that I stop to consider the idea.
Back at the apartment, Lily is sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine and wearing an eye patch over her left eye. That would make my head hurt. Marshall is sitting next to her on her left with his laptop on his, well, lap. He turns to her and calls her name. Lily jumps and demands to know how long he has been sitting there. Har har. Lily's cute and all, but there is no way you wouldn't notice someone sitting next to you while they are doing anything with a laptop. There is clicking and typing and just noise in general. Nice try show. You ain't foolin' me.
Ted comes in and announces that he has met "The Future Mrs. Ted Mosby", calling Lily and Marshall Mom and Dad while he does so. Why can't she just be The Future Mrs. Mosby? And what makes you think she will take your last name anyway? Sorry, Ted just irritates me sometimes. Anyway, Lily and Marshall perk up and Ted asks Marshall, "How have I always described my perfect woman?" Marshall considers and comes up with the list, and a mighty long one it is. She likes dogs-cut to Robin telling Ted that she has five dogs. She likes scotch-cut to Robin saying, "I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch." She can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters-cut to Robin doing just that. Wow Ted, those are some high standards you have there buddy. No wonder you're single. Ted tells them that there is one more thing and we cut to Robin asking Ted if he wants some olives, saying that she hates them. Lily and Marshall are very excited about this and Lily says "the Olive Theory" with much affection. Back in the restaurant, Ted explains to Robin that the Olive Theory is based on Lily and Marshall, since Marshall hates olives and Lily loves them. Ted says, "In a weird way, that's what makes them perfect as a couple. The perfect balance." Yes, that's all you need to have balance in a relationship folks. One person who likes olives and one who hates them. I'm starting to see why Ted is single. Robin appears more intrigued than I am and tells Ted that she has a jar of olives in her fridge that has been there forever. Ted offers to take them off of her hands. She replies, "They're all yours." Is it hot in here?
Up in the apartment Marshall yells that it is on, and robots that it is on to the break of dawn, and that's when Marshall wins my heart. Anyone who is that willing to make a fool of himself is good people in my book. You can tell that Josh Radnor was really laughing at him too. Lily points out that it's only 10:30 and asks what happened.
Robin and Ted walk down the sidewalk, presumably to go back to her place so she can give him the jar of olives. There's a gross euphemism. Robin is talking about how she really wants a blue french horn for her fireplace. Ted offers her different colored instruments, such as a green clarinet, but she will accept no substitutes, saying "It's a Smurf penis, or no dice." Well it looks like Ted is in for a night of disappointment. I spoke too soon, because just then a news van pulls up to them and the woman in the van tells Robin that there is a man on the Manhattan bridge trying to jump off, and Robin gets to cover it. Robin tells them she'll be right there and turns to Ted and apologizes, saying that she had a great time. Back in the apartment Marshall want to know if Ted kissed her. Ted says that the moment wasn't right. Lily and Marshall are disappointed, but Ted protests that, since this woman could be his wife, he wants their first kiss to be amazing. Lily seems charmed, but it's just a setup because she says, "Awww, Ted that is so sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch?" Hah. Marshall nods along, because really, Ted, it's just a kiss. Ted is offended at being called a chicken and gets all Marty McFly on Lily, calling her "a pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college." Ted, I would watch it if I were you. Marshall looks pretty pissed. Lily argues that any single person, even the dumbest single person alive, would tell him the same thing, and if Ted doesn't believe her, he should call that person.
Cut to Barney doing a spectacular somersault dive so that he lands up against a wall in the laser tag...arena, I guess? He answers his phone with "Hey loser, how's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome" and then yells at a kid, Conner, who runs by that he killed Conner already and he's going to get Conner's mom. Ted asks him for his opinion on something. Barney says to meet him at the bar in fifteen minutes and demands that Ted suit up. Never gonna happen Barney.
At the bar, Ted, Lily, Marshall and Barney are sitting at a table and Ted is asking Barney if he agrees with Lily and Marshall that Ted chickened out. Barney can't believe that Ted isn't wearing a suit. Ted protests that Robin didn't give him the signal, whatever that is. Barney mocks him by blinking "Ted kiss me" in morse code. Also, Barney's shirt-tie combo is much better than the one I was railing about earlier. He's got a light pink shirt with a dark vertical stripe in it paired with a deep purple tie with pale blue swirlys on it. Over that he's wearing a dark blue jacket with a grey stripe. It's like, a thousand times better. Ted continues to protest that you shouldn't kiss someone without getting the signal. Barney, frustrated, turns and grabs Marshall's head and kisses him. Hah! Barney asks if Marshall gave him the signal, and Marshall very seriously turns to Lily and says, "I didn't, I swear!" Aw. Barney explains that he can now sleep tonight knowing that he and Marshall are never going to happen, and tells Ted that he should have kissed Robin. Ted finally agrees that he should have kissed her. He suggests doing it in a week when she gets back from Orlando, but Barney tells him that a week is like a year in "hot girl time" and that Robin will forget about Ted by then, and that Ted will never see her again. At that moment, Ted sees Robin on the tv above the bar, reporting on the Manhattan bridge guy. Lily says that she's cute and asks Carl to turn it up. Robin reports that the man came down off the ledge and everything is fine. Ted decides that he's going to go kiss her, right now. Marshall protests that it's midnight, but Ted doesn't care. He tries to build a metaphor about how kissing Robin is like the guy on the bridge, but it falls apart at the end when Ted realizes that his ending is getting married and having kids and the others guys ending is death from bridge jumping. Barney corrects him that it is a perfect metaphor, and congratulates Lily and Marshall on their engagement. They all start to leave except Barney, who will only go along on one condition. Cut to the four of them in a cab (driven by Ranjit!) where Barney says, "Look atcha, you beautiful bastard, you suited up!" See, it doesn't take much to make Barney happy. Also, this is going in Barney's blog. Ted asks Ranjit to stop the car and he runs into the restaurant where he and Robin had dinner and grabs the blue french horn off the chimney and runs out with it. It's so sweet when guys break the law for you. He hops back in the cab yelling, "Go! Go! Go!" and Marshall, Lily and Barney look at him like the crazy jackass that he is. He holds up the blue french horn and says, "Everybody brings flowers." Touché, Ted.
They pull up to Robin's building and Ted tries to psyche himself up. Barney is excited that Ted is going to sleep with a tv reporter, saying, "This just in..." and looking at Lily with his hand raised for a high five. She just shakes her head no at him and he lowers his hand. That was one of my favorite moments in the whole episode. Lily and Marshall rally for Ted, telling him to go kiss the crap out of that girl. Ew. Ted tells Mashall to remember this story, because he is going to tell it when he's the best man at Ted and Robin's wedding. Ted gets out of the cab and Barney demands to know why Marshall gets to be the best man, since he is Ted's best friend. SagetTed tells us that he was thinking many things as he walked up to Robin's door, but he forgot about her five dogs. Ruh roh. Sure enough, after he rings the bell, much barking is heard. Ted starts to run away, but is admonished by Lily and Barney, who yells, "You're wearing a suit!" at him. He goes back. Robin and two dogs stick their heads out of an upstairs window and Ted tries to say that he was just in the neighborhood, but only gets as far as "I was just, ah...", and he simply holds up the blue french horn. Robin tells him to come up.
Back in the cab, Barney asks Ranjit is he knows a lot of Lebanese women. Ranjit corrects him that he is from Bangladesh. Barney want to know if there are hot women there, and Lily reaches her Barney limit and goes off in search of a bathroom. Ranjit shows Barney a picture of his wife. Barney cringes and whispers to Marshall that a simple no would have sufficed. Marshall covers his face. Barney tells Ranjit that his wife is lovely.
Upstairs in Robin's apartment, Robin wants to know what brings Ted to Brooklyn at 1:00 AM in a suit. Ted says that he wants the olives she said he could have. She asks if he wants them with gin and vermouth. Ted asks if she is trying to get him drunk, and Robin sidles over to him, pushes play on her cd player and says, "For starters," as sexy music begins to play. She turns to go into the kitchen and Ted mouths "thank you". Word. That was hot, and I am 100% straight.
Back in the cab, Barney is asking Marshall about his dislike of olives. Barney claims that he saw Marshall eat olives at a Spanish bar two weeks ago and asks him, "What up?" Marshall, caught, tells Barney to swear that this never leaves the cab. Barney swears. Ranjit also swears. Marshall explains that he really does like olives, but on their first date, Lily asked if she could have his olives, so he pretended not to like them. Even thought he really did like olives, Mashall was eighteen, a virgin, and had been waiting his whole life for a pretty girl to want his olives. Oh, hello Euphamism. It's been a little while. Where you in the shower, or something? Barney offers an early wedding present to Marshall. His present is, "Don't get married."
Back upstairs in Robin's apartment, sexy music plays and Ted and Robin sway with their hands on each other's waists while her five dogs watch them. Robin likes his olive theory. Ted likes her new french horn. Robin likes his nose. Weird, but ok. Some people have nice noses. I've never thought Ted's was particularly handsome, but alright. Ted thinks he's in love with Robin. He says it. Out loud. Cut to Lily, Marshall and Barney yelling "What!?" Cut to Ted's future kids yelling "What!?" Cut to Robin yelling "What!?"
Down in the cab, Barney tries to convince Marshall that Marshall is hungry for experience and that he's only getting married becasue he's afraid of living or some crap like that. Marshall agrees that he is scared, but that when he thinks about Lily and being married to her and being with only her for the rest of his life, it doesn't scare him at all, and he's going to marry her. Lily has returned from the bathroom just in time to hear this, and she reaches in the cab window to kiss Marshall. He stops her and confessess that he likes olives. Lily tells him, "We'll make it work," and kisses him. Aw. They are so sweet. Ranjit agrees.
Back upstairs, Ted and Robin and sitting on her couch. Ted is uncomfortable and Robin is confused. Ted tries to change the subject by bringing up her trip to Orlando, but Robin just yells at him, "You love me?" Ted can't believe he said that and decides that he should go. Robin tells him to wait and hands him the jar of olives. Ted thanks her and tells her that he loves her again, immediately yelling "what is wrong with me?" For real Ted. Get your shit together.
Down in the cab, Barney wants to know why they are still there, and suggests going back to the bar. He even tempts Lily with "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum" in a pirate voice. Hee. Lily is fed up and takes her eye patch off. Lily says that they can't abandon Ted, because they will need to support him if things don't go well. Marshall points out that it's been like twenty minutes and asks Barney if he thinks they're having sex. Ted and Robin, not Marshall and Barney. Barney wonders if they're doing it in front of the dogs. Marshall offers up "doggie style" and I giggle because I'm immature. Barney starts to tell a story about a girl he knew in college who had a golden retreiver, but Lily is grossed out and interrupts him, saying that they can go to the bar if he will stop talking. I imagine that happens a lot.
Ted exits Robin's building, asking her to call him eccentric instead of psycho when she tells this story to her friends. Don't count on it Ted. She says, "Goodnight, Psycho," and Ted puts his hand over his heart like it hurts and heads out. When he sees that the cab is gone he turns back and asks Robin how to get the the F train and she gives him directions. After a few steps, Td changes his mind and turns back saying, "You know what? I'm done being single." Man, that line pisses me off so much. I feel a rant coming on. It's like, is Robin just supposed to be your girlfriend just because you decided that you're "done being single"? I'm sorry for your immense problem of singleness Ted, really I am. Ugh. I really don't like Ted sometimes. Anyway, his monologue continues that it sucks that guys can't tell a girl that they love her on the first date, and that if some woman were able to put up with his shit, he would be a good husband because he would make he laugh and walk her dogs. Ted is in for a rude awakening when he learns that being a good husband takes more than that. Right now I am mentally telling Robin to run for the hills, because Ted is sounding like a selfish child and like his idea of love is immature and romanticized in the extreme. He also claims that he's a good kisser, but Robin tells him that everyone thinks they are a good kisser. Ted has references. Whatever. Robin shakes his hand and stares longingly at him.
Back at the bar Ted tells Barney, Lily and Marshall that the night ended with that handshake and he'll probably never see Robin again. They all stare at him. He asks what. Marshall: That was the signal. Lily agrees that he should have kissed her. Barney says that there is no such thing as the signal, but that was it. Ranjit pops out and says, "Signaaaaal". Carl comes over with a bottle of champagne for them and tells Ted he should have kissed her. Marshall says there's somthing he has to do, grabs the bottle and opens it. Lily is turned on. Keep it to yourself sister. Ted is going on that he has seen this signal and that was not it. Barney fills in for me with, "Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore." Marshall toasts his fiancé, Lily toasts the future, and Ranjit toasts one hell of a night. They all clink glasses and drink. Ted again says that it was not the signal. SagetTed tells his kids that he asked Robin about it later and she said it was the signal. Then he babbles about destiny and being to close to the puzzle to see the big picture and other such nonsense. Then he breaks it to the kids that this is how he met Aunt Robin. The kids are confused, saying they thought he was telling them how he met their mother. He's getting to it, it's a long story.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Not A Chance
A list of things that I have no desire to do whatsoever.
- Be on a reality show, for any amount of money.
- Read anything that Stephen King has ever written.
- Hem my own pants.
- Reduce the amount of time I spend online.
- Stop drinking so much coffee.
- Listen to the radio.
- Watch Oprah or Dr. Phil.
- Go to my high school reunion.
- Have kids.
- Live in a small town.
- Get up early on the weekends. And by early I mean before 11:00.
- Live in a place that is not beach-adjacent.
- Stop judging people who use poor grammar.
- Let a spider live in my house.
- Hide my nerdiness.
- Have a life plan.
- Not laugh at inappropriate things.
- Take up jogging.
- Live to be 100.
- Live in the same place for the rest of my life.
I stole this idea from Alex the Odd, because I am a thieving thief.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Only Happy When It Rains
I like lists and I like music!
Here's how it works:
1. Put your music on shuffle. (Yes, it's one of those)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
Let's go Spod! (Spod=Sarah pod. Because I hate saying ipod.)
1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? You Found Me (Kelly Clarkson). Well aren't I cheesy as hell. Or really creepy. Hard to tell really.
2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? When You Sleep (Cake). I don't think I'm boring. Maybe it means that I'm like a dream! Yeah, I'm reaching, aren't I?
3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY? Simple Kind Of Love (Maroon Five). Well who wants complicated? Simple is good.
4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Sassafras Roots (Green Day). I guess...I did move to "The South" recently.
5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? I'm A Long Way From Home (Shooter Jennings). Indeed, Spod. Indeed.
6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? I'm A Believer (The Monkees). I'm pretty much the opposite. Unless it means that I believe in science. SCIENCE!
7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Wonderboy (Tenacious D). Yes, I will vanquish your foes with a mighty sword. Why do you ask?
8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? A Praise Chorus (Jimmy Eat World). I did watch Sunrise Earth this morning...
9) WHAT IS 2+2? Santeria (Sublime). Well duh. You have two chickens, and then hey presto! Two more chickens! Sort of...
10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Aish Tamid (Matisyahu). Way to go Spod! Bust out the Hebrew song for my Jewish BFF. Good job.
11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Sonata in F Minor-Allego (Beethoven) Awww, how sweet! Non-classical song: Rockapella (The Brown Derbies) Oh...kay? I definitely like the classical one better.
12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? So Like A Rose (Garbage). Yes, it's true. I am hauntingly pretty and I will cut you. For real.
13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Stabbing Shadows (Cake). I do try to bring the crazy.
14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? All The Photographs (Sea and Cake). He does take an absurd amount of photographs...
15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? The Sun (Maroon Five). Yeah, they're pretty proud of me. Because I'm awesome.
16)WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Sweetest Goodbye (Maroon Five). Because that's not fucked up at all. Yup. Totally appropriate wedding song.
17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Easy Living (Billie Holiday). I like it. Nice and sad, but also sort of hopeful.
18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Two Coins (Dispatch). I do have a habit of picking up coins. Mama does it too. We both seem to find coins everywhere we go.
19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Luchenback Texas (Waylon Jennings Willie Nelson). Alright fine. I like country music. There. I said it. I especially like old school country.
20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Dolphin (Poe). Dolphins are happy and social. It fits.
21) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Incinerate (The Sonic Youth). I do live in constant fear of being set on fire.
22) HOW WILL YOU DIE? Never (The Cure). That's awesome. I'm INVINCIBLE! Hell yes!
23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Island of the Honest Man (Hot Hot Heat). I got nothing.
24) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Scarlet Begonias (Sublime). My cats used to play in the giant begonia bush in my front yard. I'll take it.
25) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? I'll Be-Acoustic (Edwin McCain). Unrequited love is sad. :(
26) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Popstars (Rooney). And just what do you mean by that, Spod?
27) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Daylight Robbery (Imogen Heap). People are getting shot left and right out here. Not good times.
28) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Just What I Needed (The Brown Derbies). Oh, the Spod is being sarcastic today. Funny. You little mah-chine. I could crush you...
29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? When You Love Someone (Bryan Adams). You're right, I would change the fact that I ever put Bryan Adams on the Spod.
30) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? New Deep (John Mayer). (Ok, ok, I take it back. I won't crush you. Just stop embarrassing me.)
31) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Only Happy When It Rains (Garbage). Interestingly, already a post title.
32) HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU? Clockwatching (Jason Mraz). I do tend to fidget. And I like to be on time.
33)WILL I HAVE A HAPPY LIFE? Water Music, Suite in D Major, Alla hornpipe (Handel). So, yes. Sweet. Non-classical version: Hide Your Love Away (Dispatch and Howie Day cover) On the other hand, not so much.
34)WHAT DO MY FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF ME? Wake Me Up When September Ends (Green Day). So...they think I need a Xanax?
35) DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER ME? You've Got A Friend (James Taylor). HAH!
36) HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY? Wolf Like Me (TV On The Radio). I should join a pack? Or kill people? I'll take option two.
37)WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE? Evil (Interpol). Check!
38) WILL I EVER HAVE CHILDREN? Platypus (I Hate You) (Green Day). Well, yes. I don't care for kids so much.
39) WHAT IS SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR ME? Bleed Black (A.F.I.). But I don't want to be a vampire!
40) HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED? Solitude (Billie Holiday). Well that's just great.
41) WHAT IS MY SIGNATURE DANCING SONG? I Wanna Sex You Up (Color Me Bad). I have been know to bust a move to some 80s/90s pop. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
42)WHAT DO I THINK IS MY CURRENT SIGNATURE SONG? If You Only Knew (Maroon Five). Apparently the Spod is being secretive. Please? Pretty please?
43) WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK MY SONG IS? Cry (James Blunt). Way harsh, Spod. Waaaay harsh.
44) WHAT TYPE OF MEN DO YOU LIKE? Romeo (Sublime). Yes, please kill yourself.
45) WHAT IS MY DAY GOING TO BE LIKE? On The Wagon (Green Day). This right after I had a conversation with my coworker about getting some eggnog to put my rum in.
Here's how it works:
1. Put your music on shuffle. (Yes, it's one of those)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
Let's go Spod! (Spod=Sarah pod. Because I hate saying ipod.)
1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? You Found Me (Kelly Clarkson). Well aren't I cheesy as hell. Or really creepy. Hard to tell really.
2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? When You Sleep (Cake). I don't think I'm boring. Maybe it means that I'm like a dream! Yeah, I'm reaching, aren't I?
3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY? Simple Kind Of Love (Maroon Five). Well who wants complicated? Simple is good.
4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Sassafras Roots (Green Day). I guess...I did move to "The South" recently.
5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? I'm A Long Way From Home (Shooter Jennings). Indeed, Spod. Indeed.
6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? I'm A Believer (The Monkees). I'm pretty much the opposite. Unless it means that I believe in science. SCIENCE!
7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Wonderboy (Tenacious D). Yes, I will vanquish your foes with a mighty sword. Why do you ask?
8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? A Praise Chorus (Jimmy Eat World). I did watch Sunrise Earth this morning...
9) WHAT IS 2+2? Santeria (Sublime). Well duh. You have two chickens, and then hey presto! Two more chickens! Sort of...
10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Aish Tamid (Matisyahu). Way to go Spod! Bust out the Hebrew song for my Jewish BFF. Good job.
11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Sonata in F Minor-Allego (Beethoven) Awww, how sweet! Non-classical song: Rockapella (The Brown Derbies) Oh...kay? I definitely like the classical one better.
12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? So Like A Rose (Garbage). Yes, it's true. I am hauntingly pretty and I will cut you. For real.
13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Stabbing Shadows (Cake). I do try to bring the crazy.
14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? All The Photographs (Sea and Cake). He does take an absurd amount of photographs...
15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? The Sun (Maroon Five). Yeah, they're pretty proud of me. Because I'm awesome.
16)WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Sweetest Goodbye (Maroon Five). Because that's not fucked up at all. Yup. Totally appropriate wedding song.
17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Easy Living (Billie Holiday). I like it. Nice and sad, but also sort of hopeful.
18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Two Coins (Dispatch). I do have a habit of picking up coins. Mama does it too. We both seem to find coins everywhere we go.
19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Luchenback Texas (Waylon Jennings Willie Nelson). Alright fine. I like country music. There. I said it. I especially like old school country.
20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Dolphin (Poe). Dolphins are happy and social. It fits.
21) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Incinerate (The Sonic Youth). I do live in constant fear of being set on fire.
22) HOW WILL YOU DIE? Never (The Cure). That's awesome. I'm INVINCIBLE! Hell yes!
23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Island of the Honest Man (Hot Hot Heat). I got nothing.
24) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Scarlet Begonias (Sublime). My cats used to play in the giant begonia bush in my front yard. I'll take it.
25) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? I'll Be-Acoustic (Edwin McCain). Unrequited love is sad. :(
26) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Popstars (Rooney). And just what do you mean by that, Spod?
27) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Daylight Robbery (Imogen Heap). People are getting shot left and right out here. Not good times.
28) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Just What I Needed (The Brown Derbies). Oh, the Spod is being sarcastic today. Funny. You little mah-chine. I could crush you...
29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? When You Love Someone (Bryan Adams). You're right, I would change the fact that I ever put Bryan Adams on the Spod.
30) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? New Deep (John Mayer). (Ok, ok, I take it back. I won't crush you. Just stop embarrassing me.)
31) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Only Happy When It Rains (Garbage). Interestingly, already a post title.
32) HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU? Clockwatching (Jason Mraz). I do tend to fidget. And I like to be on time.
33)WILL I HAVE A HAPPY LIFE? Water Music, Suite in D Major, Alla hornpipe (Handel). So, yes. Sweet. Non-classical version: Hide Your Love Away (Dispatch and Howie Day cover) On the other hand, not so much.
34)WHAT DO MY FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF ME? Wake Me Up When September Ends (Green Day). So...they think I need a Xanax?
35) DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER ME? You've Got A Friend (James Taylor). HAH!
36) HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY? Wolf Like Me (TV On The Radio). I should join a pack? Or kill people? I'll take option two.
37)WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE? Evil (Interpol). Check!
38) WILL I EVER HAVE CHILDREN? Platypus (I Hate You) (Green Day). Well, yes. I don't care for kids so much.
39) WHAT IS SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR ME? Bleed Black (A.F.I.). But I don't want to be a vampire!
40) HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED? Solitude (Billie Holiday). Well that's just great.
41) WHAT IS MY SIGNATURE DANCING SONG? I Wanna Sex You Up (Color Me Bad). I have been know to bust a move to some 80s/90s pop. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
42)WHAT DO I THINK IS MY CURRENT SIGNATURE SONG? If You Only Knew (Maroon Five). Apparently the Spod is being secretive. Please? Pretty please?
43) WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK MY SONG IS? Cry (James Blunt). Way harsh, Spod. Waaaay harsh.
44) WHAT TYPE OF MEN DO YOU LIKE? Romeo (Sublime). Yes, please kill yourself.
45) WHAT IS MY DAY GOING TO BE LIKE? On The Wagon (Green Day). This right after I had a conversation with my coworker about getting some eggnog to put my rum in.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Mumbo, Jumbo, get me some EGGS!
I don't have anything in particular to write about, other than I am incredibly unmotivated to work today. Big surprise, right?
I just read my November horoscope on astrologyzone.com, and check this out:
I just read my November horoscope on astrologyzone.com, and check this out:
Saturn will remind you that there are family members who deeply love you and depend on you. You are a towering figure to your family, and you shape their very lives and their futures, and by that I mean both the very young and the very old in your family.
How creepy is that? Not to mention, no pressure! And then it gets even better, describing how December is basically going to suck hard for me. Yay.
Other than that, I am not doing a whole lot. I'm on the prowl for a decent looking couch that won't clash with my randomly orange fireplace and dark cherry floor. I'm thinking purple might just do the trick. And where does one go for a purple couch you ask? Ikea, naturally.
I got an email from Mama's aunt who lives in Tallahassee today, inviting me and Richardo out there for Thanksgiving. And just like that, Richardo will now be in daily use. I'm trying to decide between Richard-o and Rich-ardo for the pronunciation. I'm leaning toward the latter. It makes me giggle more.
What else...Oh, I've been watching all the past seasons of How I Met Your Mother, and I am horribly and pathetically sad that the characters on that show a) are not real and b) are not my actual friends. At the end of the gag reel on season two, they all sit at their table and sing the theme song and it made me tear up! This is on top of having a dream wherein Barney was my friend. I officially have problems.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I Love...
the first sip of coffee in the morning
the smell of eucalyptus trees in the summer
buying the perfect pair of shoes
getting dressed up for something that is not really that fancy
the first tingle of spicy food
falling asleep reading a book in the middle of a lazy summer afternoon
the smell of used book stores and libraries
gulping down ice cold milk
looking at crazy things people sell on craigslist
putting together really hard jigsaw puzzles
watching trashy reality shows with Pamala
hearing waves crashing on the beach as I fall asleep
discovering a new beautiful part of Santa Barbara
playing with my cat
the smell of night blooming jasmine
changing into my pajamas right after I get home from work
laughing so hard that my face starts to hurt
looking at pictures of my friends and family
how cute my apartment looks
the feel of freshly washed sheets
collecting sand dollars on the beach in Mexico with Mama
magnolia trees in bloom
dreaming up cockamamie schemes with friends
taking extra long hot showers
chapstick
the smell of sunscreen
sleeping in until noon
the way sour candy makes the back of my tongue feel
burning candles and incense just because they smell good
rocking out to one of my favorite songs
curling up in front of a fire after taking a shower and letting the fire dry my hair
eating barbecued beef ribs with my Dad's special sauce
walking barefoot on the beach
earthquakes, as long as they are minor
drinking fresh lemonade
the smell of wet concrete when it is blazing hot outside
when soap bubbles float in the air while I am washing dishes
eating ice cream when it is raining
when the smell of a campfire lingers in my hair
hearing church bells ringing from a distance
standing on the edge of something very tall
crossing something off of my To Do list
thunderstorms and counting the seconds between the lightning and the thunder
singing in the car
inside jokes that are still funny years later even though no one remembers what they were about anymore (water over there...)
sharing juicy office gossip
understanding what someone is thinking with just a look
getting a foot rub without asking for one
buying someone the perfect present
watching old movies over and over and reading old books over and over
sharing a comfortable silence
getting really excited
knowing random facts and spouting them to others
dancing in my living room with Ricardo
avocados
making other people laugh
learning something new and useful
watching young animals of any kind play
eating ripe juicy strawberries
when a song I really love pops up on my ipod on shuffle
cracking my knuckles, ankles, wrists, back, neck, and various other joints
freshly brewed iced tea
staying up really late talking to someone
picking nail polish off of my fingernails
having a clock ticking softly in my bedroom and counting the ticks as I fall asleep
sunlight filling up a room
eating sunflower seeds and salted peanuts
getting a phone call or email from someone I haven't talked to in a long time
the smell of eucalyptus trees in the summer
buying the perfect pair of shoes
getting dressed up for something that is not really that fancy
the first tingle of spicy food
falling asleep reading a book in the middle of a lazy summer afternoon
the smell of used book stores and libraries
gulping down ice cold milk
looking at crazy things people sell on craigslist
putting together really hard jigsaw puzzles
watching trashy reality shows with Pamala
hearing waves crashing on the beach as I fall asleep
discovering a new beautiful part of Santa Barbara
playing with my cat
the smell of night blooming jasmine
changing into my pajamas right after I get home from work
laughing so hard that my face starts to hurt
looking at pictures of my friends and family
how cute my apartment looks
the feel of freshly washed sheets
collecting sand dollars on the beach in Mexico with Mama
magnolia trees in bloom
dreaming up cockamamie schemes with friends
taking extra long hot showers
chapstick
the smell of sunscreen
sleeping in until noon
the way sour candy makes the back of my tongue feel
burning candles and incense just because they smell good
rocking out to one of my favorite songs
curling up in front of a fire after taking a shower and letting the fire dry my hair
eating barbecued beef ribs with my Dad's special sauce
walking barefoot on the beach
earthquakes, as long as they are minor
drinking fresh lemonade
the smell of wet concrete when it is blazing hot outside
when soap bubbles float in the air while I am washing dishes
eating ice cream when it is raining
when the smell of a campfire lingers in my hair
hearing church bells ringing from a distance
standing on the edge of something very tall
crossing something off of my To Do list
thunderstorms and counting the seconds between the lightning and the thunder
singing in the car
inside jokes that are still funny years later even though no one remembers what they were about anymore (water over there...)
sharing juicy office gossip
understanding what someone is thinking with just a look
getting a foot rub without asking for one
buying someone the perfect present
watching old movies over and over and reading old books over and over
sharing a comfortable silence
getting really excited
knowing random facts and spouting them to others
dancing in my living room with Ricardo
avocados
making other people laugh
learning something new and useful
watching young animals of any kind play
eating ripe juicy strawberries
when a song I really love pops up on my ipod on shuffle
cracking my knuckles, ankles, wrists, back, neck, and various other joints
freshly brewed iced tea
staying up really late talking to someone
picking nail polish off of my fingernails
having a clock ticking softly in my bedroom and counting the ticks as I fall asleep
sunlight filling up a room
finding a really good red wine
reliving my childhood by coloring with crayons and markerseating sunflower seeds and salted peanuts
getting a phone call or email from someone I haven't talked to in a long time
Monday, February 25, 2008
I Used To Live In A Two Room Apartment, Neighbors Knockin' On My Walls
Just a quick update to say that moving everything you own (minus one couch currently in another city) while it is POURING rain is no fun. No fun at all.
In related news, I have way too much crap.
In related news, I have way too much crap.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Further Adventures In Strangeland
I have already documented how the collection of eating places nearest my work is a vortex of bizarre behavior. First there was Bra Girl. Then there was the Cup of Ice. You will hopefully be pleased to learn that I have two new stories for your enjoyment.
First is the tale of the Pillow Salesmen. Yes, pillows. Now, keep in mind that this area consist of a bunch of restaurants next to each other and a large outside eating area, sort of like a plaza. In fact, exactly like a plaza. So as I was sitting in the warm sun enjoying my sushi and conversing with my friend, I looked up and saw something that completely arrested my attention. I stopped speaking mid-sentence. There were two men with their arms full of those memory foam pillows, all boxed up. They went to a few tables, selling the pillows. Then they went inside the sushi restaurant and sold more. I was apparently the only person who found this strange, since people were buying them like they had never seen pillows before.
The second story is better. This just happened today, and I need to take a moment to digress because I just discovered that the Pepsi logo on my cup is surrounded by a double rainbow of text smileys of various sorts, like this: :-( :-< -O :) :-E ;-) etc. Interesting design choice. Oh, the background is all different sizes of smileys, all in varying shades of blue and overlapping. It's an emoticon collage. There is a website. Curiouser and curiouser...
Ok, back to the story. I'd been eating for a little while when a girl sat down at the table next to my friend and I. Normally not a notable occurrence, except that this girl looked a bit like Natalie Portman and had a lot of facial piercings and a boy haircut. She pulled out a tupperware thing of some food and started eating. Then a guy at another table got up to walk his plate to the trash. The following conversation ensued, which I need to just write down verbatim:
Girl: Um, excuse me? [Guy stops] I know this will sound really strange, but, um, were you going to throw those away? [gestures at pieces of a sushi roll on his plate]
Guy: Well, yeah...[confused]
Girl: Do you think that I could, um, have them?
Guy: Yeah, if you want. I already ate the cucumber out of the middle though. [apologetic]
Girl: Oh, that's alright. [takes the sushi pieces off of his plate] Thanks!
Guy: No problem! [leaves]
The reason I know exactly what they said is because I was full on staring at them while this was happening. Because, seriously? Who does that? And I'm sure I had some sort of 'the fuck?' look on my face, since I have no control over my facial expressions. You can absolutely tell what I am thinking by looking at me. My friends are constantly stopping mid sentence and swinging their heads over to my line of sight to see what I'm making a face about. It's kind of a problem, really. But yeah. Under what circumstances is that acceptable behavior? And the guy responded to her like she had asked him a perfectly sensible question and was in no way freaked out.
I love this town.
First is the tale of the Pillow Salesmen. Yes, pillows. Now, keep in mind that this area consist of a bunch of restaurants next to each other and a large outside eating area, sort of like a plaza. In fact, exactly like a plaza. So as I was sitting in the warm sun enjoying my sushi and conversing with my friend, I looked up and saw something that completely arrested my attention. I stopped speaking mid-sentence. There were two men with their arms full of those memory foam pillows, all boxed up. They went to a few tables, selling the pillows. Then they went inside the sushi restaurant and sold more. I was apparently the only person who found this strange, since people were buying them like they had never seen pillows before.
The second story is better. This just happened today, and I need to take a moment to digress because I just discovered that the Pepsi logo on my cup is surrounded by a double rainbow of text smileys of various sorts, like this: :-( :-< -O :) :-E ;-) etc. Interesting design choice. Oh, the background is all different sizes of smileys, all in varying shades of blue and overlapping. It's an emoticon collage. There is a website. Curiouser and curiouser...
Ok, back to the story. I'd been eating for a little while when a girl sat down at the table next to my friend and I. Normally not a notable occurrence, except that this girl looked a bit like Natalie Portman and had a lot of facial piercings and a boy haircut. She pulled out a tupperware thing of some food and started eating. Then a guy at another table got up to walk his plate to the trash. The following conversation ensued, which I need to just write down verbatim:
Girl: Um, excuse me? [Guy stops] I know this will sound really strange, but, um, were you going to throw those away? [gestures at pieces of a sushi roll on his plate]
Guy: Well, yeah...[confused]
Girl: Do you think that I could, um, have them?
Guy: Yeah, if you want. I already ate the cucumber out of the middle though. [apologetic]
Girl: Oh, that's alright. [takes the sushi pieces off of his plate] Thanks!
Guy: No problem! [leaves]
The reason I know exactly what they said is because I was full on staring at them while this was happening. Because, seriously? Who does that? And I'm sure I had some sort of 'the fuck?' look on my face, since I have no control over my facial expressions. You can absolutely tell what I am thinking by looking at me. My friends are constantly stopping mid sentence and swinging their heads over to my line of sight to see what I'm making a face about. It's kind of a problem, really. But yeah. Under what circumstances is that acceptable behavior? And the guy responded to her like she had asked him a perfectly sensible question and was in no way freaked out.
I love this town.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Where is My Mind?
The other day I was talking to my ex Chris online when a funny thing happened. There was kind of a long pause in our chat, and then this popped up, "Hi Sarah, it's Cynthia..." There was more, but here's the thing. Cynthia is Chris's mom. Chris and I dated for three and a half years, so I got to know her pretty well. I always felt a little sorry for her; she lives in their house up in the mountains, a half hour drive from the nearest town, and her husband is gone a lot, and Chris and his brother are both living far away. So she's all alone a lot of the time, which would drive me bonkers. She's understandably a bit of an odd bird, as well as being very talkative, but as long as I can keep the conversation away from certain topics, she's kinda fun to talk to. Her favorite things to talk about are horses, birds, plants and sewing. And I pretty much have nothing to say one any of those topics. So she started chatting with me, but I could tell she didn't chat very much, because she was writing me paragraphs. At first she was telling me all kinds of stuff about some horse show in Vegas. A couple of crazy things did happen with that. She bought two tickets from two different people on ebay for the horse thing, and it turned out that the tickets were for seats right next to each other. And then one of the people that they sat near recognized Chris's dad from some class that he taught. I told her that I would have bought a lottery ticket or hit the slots, being that they were in Vegas.
Then we moved on to talking about this coming weekend. See, I've been trying to get Chris to come up and visit me before he moves back to York, but, Chris being Chris, he kept hedging and putting it off and now this weekend would be the only time for him to come up before he leaves that I will also be here, which is kind of an important part of him visiting me. So. Cynthia suggested that instead of Chris coming up here, I go down and visit them. I pointed out that part of the reason I wanted Chris to come up was to show off my beautiful apartment and how successful I am (it was a running joke between us that I would always make more money than him, silly History major), but then she started talking about "we could all go out for dinner" and "I've got the guest room all finished" and then offered to give me money for gas. It turns out that in spite of myself, I am a nice person on occasion. I could tell that she really wanted some company other than Chris and the horses. So guess where I'm driving to tonight? At least it won't be exactly the town I grew up in, it will be the town next to it. And up in the mountains too.
I must admit that I'm a little nervous about seeing Chris this weekend. We broke up almost two years ago, and we've talked and managed to become friends in the time since. However, I have actually only seen him once in those two years. I'm afraid that it will be awkward, that I will be awkward. Do I hug him? Shake his hand? Stand there and wave? Dance a jig? I guess we shall see when the moment arrives. It doesn't help much that I will get to his house after a full day of work and then driving four hours with only my thoughts for company. By the time I get there around midnight, I'll be a little delirious. And that could make for some awkward times.
Then we moved on to talking about this coming weekend. See, I've been trying to get Chris to come up and visit me before he moves back to York, but, Chris being Chris, he kept hedging and putting it off and now this weekend would be the only time for him to come up before he leaves that I will also be here, which is kind of an important part of him visiting me. So. Cynthia suggested that instead of Chris coming up here, I go down and visit them. I pointed out that part of the reason I wanted Chris to come up was to show off my beautiful apartment and how successful I am (it was a running joke between us that I would always make more money than him, silly History major), but then she started talking about "we could all go out for dinner" and "I've got the guest room all finished" and then offered to give me money for gas. It turns out that in spite of myself, I am a nice person on occasion. I could tell that she really wanted some company other than Chris and the horses. So guess where I'm driving to tonight? At least it won't be exactly the town I grew up in, it will be the town next to it. And up in the mountains too.
I must admit that I'm a little nervous about seeing Chris this weekend. We broke up almost two years ago, and we've talked and managed to become friends in the time since. However, I have actually only seen him once in those two years. I'm afraid that it will be awkward, that I will be awkward. Do I hug him? Shake his hand? Stand there and wave? Dance a jig? I guess we shall see when the moment arrives. It doesn't help much that I will get to his house after a full day of work and then driving four hours with only my thoughts for company. By the time I get there around midnight, I'll be a little delirious. And that could make for some awkward times.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Comment Contest
Here's a contest for those of you who like a challenge. Each of the post titles listed below is either a song title or a song lyric. If you know the name of the song and the artist, then put it in a comment. Some are easy, but some are quite hard. All of them are actual songs. I've made links to the original posts if you want a few clues. The person who gets the most right wins a prize!
You Make Me Wanna...
Scar Tissue
Low
Love Cat(s)
Hello Mother
Ooh, You Touch My Tra-la-la
Infernal Machine!
People are Strange
A Little Less Conversation
If You Really Loved Me...
Losing My Religion (an Existential Crisis)
Evolution
Sleep Deprived
Evasive Maneuvers
Celebrate, Come On!
Just When I Thought it Couldn't Get Any Better
A Thinking Thing
It's A Mystery
Take Another Piece of My Heart
The Saints are Coming...
Happy Day Mama
We Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and FIGHT!
Colorblind
Crash Into Me
Precious Memories
You Make Me Wanna...
Scar Tissue
Low
Love Cat(s)
Hello Mother
Ooh, You Touch My Tra-la-la
Infernal Machine!
People are Strange
A Little Less Conversation
If You Really Loved Me...
Losing My Religion (an Existential Crisis)
Evolution
Sleep Deprived
Evasive Maneuvers
Celebrate, Come On!
Just When I Thought it Couldn't Get Any Better
A Thinking Thing
It's A Mystery
Take Another Piece of My Heart
The Saints are Coming...
Happy Day Mama
We Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and FIGHT!
Colorblind
Crash Into Me
Precious Memories
Monday, March 12, 2007
Colorblind
Red: Red tastes like a great glass of wine; tart and sweet and strong and a little spicy, with many different flavors blending together to create something powerful and complex. Red smells like an antique shop, with centuries of scents culminating in a heady mixture that creates a sense of time in the mind. Red feels like velvet; rich and smooth and a little exotic. Red sounds like the murmur of a crowd or the crackle of fire; an intricate sound with many layers.
Orange: Orange tastes very sweet and sugary, but with a little bite to it. Orange smells like orange tree blossoms and jasmine; sweet and summery. Orange feels like the sun caressing your skin on a hot summer day. Orange sounds like the buzz of a bumble bee.
Yellow: Yellow tastes sour, like a lime. Yellow smells like over-ripe fruit or flowers that are beginning to rot. Yellow feels like sand in your shoes, chaffing your feet. Yellow sounds like sarcasm or even anger in the voice of a loved one.
Green: Green tastes minty and fresh and cold, like drinking very cold water right after brushing your teeth. Green smells like fresh pine needles on a cool spring day, or like well-water that was just pumped out of the ground. Green feels wet and cold and slick, like jumping into a pool on a hot summer day, or like a downpour of rain. Green sounds like children laughing at the playground or the voice of someone you love but haven't spoken to in a while.
Blue: Blue tastes familiar and warm, like home-baked pie or cookies or fresh bread made from scratch. Blue sometimes smells like Grandma's kitchen and other times blue smells like freshly cleaned laundry. Blue feels like a big, fluffy comforter, soft and warm and safe. Blue sounds like a cat purring, or the waves crashing at the beach heard from far away.
Purple: Purple tastes like candy, sweet and artificial. Purple smells like roses when they are freshly blooming, the kind of smell that fills up a room. Purple feels like a being wrapped up in a big fuzzy towel after taking a long bubble bath. Purple sounds like Beethoven, powerful and strong.
Orange: Orange tastes very sweet and sugary, but with a little bite to it. Orange smells like orange tree blossoms and jasmine; sweet and summery. Orange feels like the sun caressing your skin on a hot summer day. Orange sounds like the buzz of a bumble bee.
Yellow: Yellow tastes sour, like a lime. Yellow smells like over-ripe fruit or flowers that are beginning to rot. Yellow feels like sand in your shoes, chaffing your feet. Yellow sounds like sarcasm or even anger in the voice of a loved one.
Green: Green tastes minty and fresh and cold, like drinking very cold water right after brushing your teeth. Green smells like fresh pine needles on a cool spring day, or like well-water that was just pumped out of the ground. Green feels wet and cold and slick, like jumping into a pool on a hot summer day, or like a downpour of rain. Green sounds like children laughing at the playground or the voice of someone you love but haven't spoken to in a while.
Blue: Blue tastes familiar and warm, like home-baked pie or cookies or fresh bread made from scratch. Blue sometimes smells like Grandma's kitchen and other times blue smells like freshly cleaned laundry. Blue feels like a big, fluffy comforter, soft and warm and safe. Blue sounds like a cat purring, or the waves crashing at the beach heard from far away.
Purple: Purple tastes like candy, sweet and artificial. Purple smells like roses when they are freshly blooming, the kind of smell that fills up a room. Purple feels like a being wrapped up in a big fuzzy towel after taking a long bubble bath. Purple sounds like Beethoven, powerful and strong.
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