Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Well Hello

I haven't written anything in a while, so here are some random updates.

The biggest thing I've been dealing with recently is Singe's mysterious illness. A sample of the tissue that the vet removed from her leg was sent out for lab analysis and came back negative for damn near everything that we thought could have been causing the problem. What it did pick up is that Singe has autoimmune dermatitis. That means that her immune system is not recognizing her own skin and is attacking skin cells as though they were an infection. The vet's theory is that Singe has a micro-infection, and the antibiotics that she was on previously were not able to get to the source since it is behind a bunch of scar tissue and jacked up tissue in general. Now she is on a new, very strong antibiotic as well as a regimen of one week on, one week off of steroids. And she still has a cone on her head. It's very fun times at our house right now.

In completely unrelated news, I am trying to move again. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Other than those things, my life is boring. I need some friends over here. Badly.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Purple Giraffe

Airdate 9/26/05
"Ted throws a party in hopes of seeing Robin again, but when she doesn't show up, he throws another party...and another. Meanwhile, Lily's heightened libido prevents Marshall from getting his work done."

Theme song!

The year 2030. SagetTed asks the kids where he was. This makes it seem like he's telling this story over the course of several days. Who does that? The girl reminds her dad that he was telling them how he met their mother. “In excruciating detail,” the son pipes up. Shush son, and get your feet off the table. Another clue that this is a different day is that the girl is no longer wearing those hideous tights. She actually looks normal in a pink sweater layered over a purple top and some dark khakis. SagetTed jumps back into the story by reminding us that when he was 27, Marshall and Lily got engaged. We see that again in a flashback. This made Ted think that he should get married, since everyone else was. I bet Ted would jump off a cliff if his friends were doing it. Anyway. Ted saw Robin, she was incredible, Barney played Have you met Ted?, Ted and Robin went out, Ted told Robin he loved her. “Oh, Dad...” the daughter comments as she puts her head in her hand. I wish I knew these kids names. According to IMDB, they are Son and Daughter. That is messed up. I think I'll just give them names. The son will be Ted Jr. and the daughter will be...Dora. Get it? Moving on. Ted Jr. asks what happened next. Nothing, that's what. One week went by and Ted decided that he was not going to call Robin. Marshall, incredulous, says “So, you're not gonna call her? You went from 'I think I'm in love with you' to 'I'm not gonna call her'?” Ted protests that he was never in love with Robin, he was in love with the idea of getting married, only he uses a lot more words. As they approach the booth at the bar that Robin is sitting is, Ted says that it had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. Then he notices her and looks at Lily, who is sitting across from Robin. Lily excitedly tells them how she bumped into Robin. Ted asks how long they've been hanging out, and Robin indicates the top of her now empty glass and says, “Since about here.” Marshall leans over the table to Lily and starts making out with her pretty intensely, eliciting a “Hello, sailor!” from Robin. Ted explains how they just got engaged. Lily waggles her ring at Robin from the back of Marshall's head. Robin gets up to go back to work, and Lily and Marshall each raise a hand to wave at her without breaking mouth-cial contact. Robin tells Ted it was nice to see him. Ted agrees. As Robin leaves, Barney checks out her ass. Of course he does. Ted sits down in the booth with a “Dammit!”. Lily, free from Marshall trying to eat her face, asks what. He says that he's in love with Robin. Barney, beers in hand, smacks him on the head (hee!) and yells “No! As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. You blew it, it's over, move on!” Ted says that he has a feeling that Robin is the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. Ugh, not this again. Lily squeaks (no really) and clamps her hand over her mouth. Marshall and Barney smile at her and Ted calls her out. Lily shakes her head, hand still clamped over her mouth. Ted concludes that Robin said something about him to Lily. He demands “C'mon, spill it Red!” and she caves, revealing that Robin called him “something else”. Ted spins that as good, and the fact that he comes on strong as part of his charm. In a flashback, Lily does the same. Robin talks Ted up to Lily as sweet and charming (and not at all creepy, like I would say), but that he's looking for something serious and Robin doesn't want anything beyond a casual relationship. Robin asks that this conversation stay between her and Lily. Lily reassures her with, “This flapper? Fort Knox.” Um, yeah, not so much. Current Lily realizes this with an oops. Ted's off and running with the concept that Robin wants something casual. He declares that he will be a “mushroom cloud of casual”. The gang looks impressed. Ted explains that he's doing this because “it's a game.” Apparently, Ted wanted to skip to the end and get married, but now he sees that he won't get there unless he plays the game. I think Ted played The Game of Life one too many times as a child. Marshall wants to know if Ted is going to ask Robin out. At first Ted agrees, then immediately says no, because that wouldn't be casual. Ted wants to know how he can ask Robin out without asking her out. The gang ponders. Barney's head tilt is particularly amusing. Lily quite reasonably wants to know if they are high. Ted has a solution. He will invite Robin to their party next Friday. Marshall is excited that they are throwing a party. Ted says the word casual again. Barney points out how non-casual it is to invite over a hundred people just to hook up with one girl. He then turns to Lily and says, “that's my leg.” Lily is upset that he waited five minutes to tell her that. Marshall tells Ted to call Robin, but Ted says that calling her would not be casual and that he needs to arrange a chance meeting where he can accidentally-on-purpose run into her and invite her to the party. I'm not gonna rag on Ted for this, because I have totally arranged such meetings myself. Don't lie, you have too. Lily knocks on him, calling him “the most casual stalker ever,” which gets a snort out of Marshall.

Up in the apartment, some time later, Marshall is working on his laptop at the table while Lily is sitting across from his playing with her ring. SagetTed tells us that ever since they got engaged, Lily and Marshall had been a lot hornier than normal. Only he says it somewhat more politely, since he's talking to his kids. Seriously, how old are those kids? Marshall protests to Lily's suggestive looks, saying that he has a twenty-five page paper on Constitutional Law due on Monday and he's barely started. I'll bet five bucks that the computer Marshall is looking at has the script for this scene on it. Lily says that she isn't doing anything besides sitting there wearing her ring. Then she goes on for a bit about how wearing the ring makes wearing other things like her shirt seem wrong. Then she throws out that she's not wearing panties, “not even slightly”, like, can you be “slightly” wearing underwear? Ted busts into the conversation with, “Guys! Boundaries!” Seriously. Then Ted sees Robin on the news, reporting from a convenience store where a little boy has gotten himself stuck in one of those claw machines with the stuffed animals. Ted gets the location (75th and Columbus) and takes off, yelling “Game on!” on his way out the door. We transport through the TV to Robin in the store, reporting, and Ted running through New York. Ted pops into the shot with a grin that quickly fades when he realizes that he is in the shot. He ducks out as Robin wraps up the story. We pan over to see a very sweaty Ted trying to look like he is casually browsing the aisles. Robin sees him and asks him what he's doing there. Ted says that he's shopping for dip because he loves dip. Then he fumbles, and says that he likes dip as a friend. He asks Robin if she's reporting a news story, and she shows him the kid stuck in the crane machine and says that it's sweet of him to call it news. Ted chastises the kid for not playing the game like everyone else, and the kid points out that Ted is all sweaty. Ted turns back to Robin and mentions the party, inviting Robin to “swing by” or “whatever” next Friday. The way he says “whatever” is ridiculous, all drawn out and looking up in the air. Whatever indeed, Ted. Robin says that she can't make it, since she's going out of town next Friday. Ted changes the party to tonight, covering his story by saying that he's been saying next Friday all week, but the party is actually tonight. He says “whatever” again. Guh.
Slide screen over to Marshall and Lily, cuddled up in bed, post-coital. Marshall answers Ted's call, and we see a split screen with Ted in the store holding about ten cans of dip. Ted asks if he's interrupting, but Marshall tells him that he's writing his paper. Ted, not buying it, tells Lily and Marshall to get dressed, because the party has changed to tonight and hangs up on a confused Marshall.
Fade in to the apartment,which is packed full of people, mostly guys. People are chatting and good times are being had. Marshall asks Ted what he's going to do when Robin shows up calling Ted “Gatsby.” Ted wishes. Ted has it all planned out. Cut to Robin coming in the door in a sexy red dress. Ted voice-overs, along with some “sexy” jazz saxophone, that he will be across the room when Robin shows up, “showing some foxy young thang my cool architecture stuff.” Imaginary Ted waves around various drafting tools. In Ted's imagination, there are a lot more women at this party. Imaginary Robin approaches Imaginary Ted and he says hey. Imaginary Robin says hey back, but it's Ted doing her voice while she mouths the word. This cracked me up. As did Ted-voiced Robin saying, “Nice place, et cetera, et cetera.” Imaginary Ted tells Imaginary Robin to make herself at home and returns to his conversation with Foxy Young Thang. An hour later, Imaginary Ted approaches Imaginary Robin, sitting at the window. He says, “Oh, you're still here?” like he doesn't really care but it's a nice surprise (according to real Ted). Imaginary Ted then invites Imaginary Robin up to the roof, very “casually”, if by “casually” you mean “obviously wants to get her naked-y”. Back in reality, Lily and Marshall say “the roof”, all knowing. Ted says that if he can get Robin up to the roof, the roof will take care of the rest. Barney wants to know what's so special about the roof, and Lily and Marshall fill him in. Apparently the moon, the stars, the lights, and the view create a powerful recipe for romance. Marshall says they do it up there sometimes. Dude, did we not discuss boundaries already? Barney tells Ted that he likes his plan, calling him “my little friend”. Ted corrects him that they're the same height. That made me giggle. Barney suggests one small change to Ted's plan. Instead of chasing after Robin, Ted should take the Foxy Young Thang up to the roof and have “crazy monkey sex” with her. Back in Ted's Imaginary Party, Imaginary Ted protests that that is not the plan. Barney tells him that it should be and demands that Imaginary Ted look at Foxy Young Thang. Imaginary Ted does as Barney calls her smokin'. Foxy Young Thang and her nipples turn and say thank you. Imaginary Ted points out that she's not Robin. Back in reality, Barney says that is the point. He asks Ted to “rap”, and I have a brief hope that he is actually doing to start rapping. My hopes are dashed though, as all Barney does is quote a statistic that there is one woman at every New York party who does not know anyone there. Barney wants to know if Ted sees where he is going with this, and I think the question is unnecessary. I think blind people can see where Barney is going with that. Ted starts to shoot down Barney plan again, but Barney interrupts him to start miming using a periscope in a submarine, complete with “bip...bip” sound effects. Lily calls him a dork. Word, Lily. The bips increase in frequency as Barney spots a blonde girl who clearly doesn't know anyone around her. Barney drags Ted over to play Haaaaave you met Ted? They exchange hellos. He asks her if she knows Marshall or Lily. Nope. He pointedly asks if she knows anyone and she informs him that she works with Carlos. Barney excuses himself to ask if anyone knows Carlos. Nope. He turns to Ted and gestures at the blonde girl, saying “on a sliver platter. Bone app├ętit.” Ted is still not interested, so Barney turns back to the bonde and asks if she would like to see the roof, calling it magical. She agrees, and they head to the window. Ted tries to stop them, saying that he has the roof reserved. I never heard him call dibs. I'm just sayin'. Barney tells Ted that Robin is not going to show up. Ted yells after him that she will. He repeats to himself that she'll show up.
Cut to the apartment the next day, red plastic cups everywhere. Lily, Ted and Marshall are sitting on the couch. SagetTed tells us that Robin never showed up. Lily points out that is was still a great party. Marshall says that he ate four cans of dip. Ted thanks him for knowing just the right thing to say. Ted's phone rings and he sees that it's Robin calling. Lily tells him to answer, but he says no, he can't seem too eager, because he has to be casual. He waits for another ring and then answers. Robin immediately apologizes for missing his party. He pretends that he doesn't know who she is, asking if she's Meridith. Who buys that anymore when everyone's phone had caller ID? Robin tells him who she is, and tells him that she got stuck at work. She gives him the good news that they got the boy out of the crane machine. Ted asks if he got to keep the purple giraffe. Robin says they let the kid keep all the toys, since he was in there a long time and little kids have small bladders. Ew. Enjoy your pee toys kid. Robin says that she wishes the party was tonight, and Ted tells her that it is. Marshall jumps up off the couch in protest. Ted says that it's a two day party, “cuz that's just how we roll”. He re-invites Robin to the second party, and hangs up. He sheepishly turns to Marshall and says, “So that was Robin...” and Marshall wants to know what Ted is doing. Marshall has a paper to write by Monday. Better get your ass to the library, Marshall. Ted runs out the door apologizing and saying that he's going to get more dip. Marshall yells after him to get French Onion. Marshall asks Lily if she can believe what Ted is doing, but Lily clearly has other things on her mind as she looks up at Marshall, biting her lip and playing with her engagement ring. Marshall says fine, but tells her that it has to be super quick, and there will be no cuddling. They head to the bedroom, Lily saying how she's the luckiest girl alive. Marshall stops outside of the room and tears off his robe before heading in after Lily in only his boxers and a pair of brown socks. Sexy.
At the apartment, the second party is in full swing. Barney comes up to Ted and tells him that he was right about the roof. He took the girl from last night home, and that morning took her outside, “spun her in circles a few times, and sent her walking. She will never find her way back—and there she is!” Sure enough, there she is. I don't know why Barney thought she would be trying to find her way back to Ted's apartment the day after the party, since that was surely before even Ted knew there was a second party. Maybe he meant that she wouldn't find Barney's apartment again? I'm thinking about this too much. Anyway. Barney wants to know if Ted invited her, but Ted still doesn't know who she is. Barney reminds him that she works with Carlos. Ted still doesn't know any Carlos. The blonde girl comes over and says hi to Barney. He clearly can't remember her name, saying “!” The girl giggles and kisses him. She calls him sweetie and says she needs a drink. Barney and I have the same thought as she pulls him into the kitchen: Sweetie? Really? He turns back to mouth “help” to Ted, but Ted is busy trying to keep Lily and Marshall off the roof. He physically separates them from each other. I don't think that's gonna work Ted. Barney comes out of the kitchen, saying that it's over between him and “works-with-Carlos-girl.” Ted says that was fast, like, haaaaave you met Barney? Barney says that he was trying to think of the fastest way to get rid of a girl you just met, and we flashback to Barney telling Works With Carlos, “I think I'm in love with you.” She yells, “What?” and back in the present Barney thanks Ted. Ted is glad he could help, and then turns to yell at Marshall, who is heading up to the roof. Marshall apologizes, and goes up. Ted ask Barney what he's supposed to do when Robin shows up, and Barney just smirk and takes a drink. Ted argues again that she will show up.
Cut to the next day, Lily, Ted and Marshall sitting on the couch, again. Red cups are all over, again. SagetTed tells us that she didn't show up, again. Marshall says, “Alright. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged.” Hee. Marshall gets up to finally work on his paper. He says to repeat after him, “I will now have sex with Marshall.” Lily and Ted, in chorus, “I will not have sex with Marshall.” Hee again! Ted's phone rings, it's Robin. He answers, and Robin says hi. Ted calls her Amanda, then corrects himself, saying, “Oh, sorry, Denise, you totally sounded like Amanda.” He exchanges a finger dap with Marshall for this. Again, I protest that Robin has to know that he knows it's her. Nevertheless, she corrects him that she is Robin and apologizes for missing his party again. She got stuck at work again. Ted says, “Ain't no thang but a chicken wing, mamasita!” then puts the phone against his chest and says, “Who am I?” to Lily and Marshall. At least this time Ted knows he's ridiculous. Robin asks about the chance that his party will continue for a third day, and Ted can't resist saying that it will. Marshall jumps off the couch and tries to grab the phone away from Ted, but Ted is too fast for him. Marshall stalks after him as he babbles some more at Robin, using the terms “bro” and “party trifecta.” I maintain that Ted is lucky that he's attractive. Robin promises to show up this time. Ted hangs up and turns to Marshall, sheepishly saying, “So that was Robin...” again.
Cut to the incredibly lame party. There are like six guys sitting around chatting. Barney wanders over to the couch and tells Ted how lame his party is. Ted asks if it's lame, or casual. Barney votes lame. Ted asks again, and Barney just shakes his head. Marshall comes out of the bedroom and Lily asks him if he's ready for a fifteen minute recess, calling him Lawbooks and stroking his chest. He apologizes, but he can't stop working on his paper, and he needs all his blood in his brain. I giggle, because penises are funny. Marshall asks if anyone has seen some book with a really long name. No one has. He asks if anyone has seen a big ass book. Still no. Someone says hello to Barney, and he turns to see Works With Carlos. She asks him if he thinks it's weird both of them got invited, and Barney gets kind of rude, asking, “Who? Who invited you? No one even knows who you are!” Works With Carlos just chalks his behavior up to his “broken heart.” She says that Carlos was right about him, and walks away. He yells “Who is Carlos?” after her. Marshall comes out of Ted's room, still looking for his book. He finds it on the coffee table, open with the pages down and a red cup sitting on it. He picks it up and liquid is dripping off of it. He promptly throws a fit, as would I. But then I don't make a habit of leaving expensive ass books lying around. He yells the long name of the book again and says that it is not a coaster. He turns to Ted and gives a long speech about how they threw three stupid parties just so Ted could hang out with Robin, and she isn't even there. He asks Ted where Robin is, turns around and almost runs into Lily and Robin exiting the kitchen. He says hi to Robin, drops his big ass book on the floor, grabs Lily's hand and runs into the bedroom. Robin approaches Ted and asks him if he threw all the parties for her. Ted starts to deny it, in the lamest way possible, but then he cops to it. He says that one of the reasons he threw these parties was to introduce Robin to “this guy”, grabbing the nearest person to him. Ted figured that since things didn't work out between the two of them, now they can just laugh about it. He introduces the guy who's name he doesn't know by saying, “Robin, this is...” and turning to him. The guy fills in with “Carlos.” Ted and Barney: “Ohhhhhh.”
Lily and Marshall are standing over Ted, who is sitting at his drafting table. They are watching Robin and Carlos chatting on the couch. Ted babbles about winning the game. Lily grabs him and gives him the tough talk. She agrees that Robin is great and all, but Ted wants to get married. She reminds Ted that there are a million women in New York who want that too, but Robin is not one of them. Ted argues that Robin isn't “just one of them,” she's The One. Barney points out that The One is heading up to the roof with Carlos. Marshall asks Ted what he's going to do, and Ted says nothing. He has to keep playing the game. Montage of hands playing the claw game, Ted, Robin, the window to the roof, and the hand hitting the “drop claw” button. More montage, ending with shots of the kid climbing into the game and Ted climbing up to the roof. Up on the roof, Ted asks Carlos to give them a minute, and Carlos takes off saying, “No sweat, hombre.” Ted tells Robin that he didn't throw the parties to set her up with Carlos, he threw them because he wanted to see her again. Robin just says, “Well here I am.” Ted says that there is something between them, unless he's crazy. Robin tells him that he's not crazy, but they barely know each other and he looks at her like “let's fall in love and get married and have babies and drive them to soccer practice.” Ted cracks a joke about not forcing sports on their kids. Robin calls it a great look, but tells him that he's looking at the wrong girl. Ted protests that he's not, and I get irritated that Ted is trying to tell Robin what she wants. Look, Ted, just because you want to get married, blah blah blah, and Robin is attracted to you, that does not mean that she's required to want to get married to you. Robin tells him that she might not ever want to get married, and she knows that dating Ted would end in either them getting married or her breaking his heart, and she doesn't want to do either one. She says that Ted can't turn off how he feels, and Ted cheeses it up by turning an imaginary key over his heart, saying “click, off” as he does so, and then says, “Let's make out.” Robin laughs, but backs away. He tells Robin that he just turned off his feelings and steps closer to her. She protests that he can't, he argues that he did. They get closer. More back and forth about his switch being off. They move closer, and finally kiss. Ted pulls back a little and says that it's not off. Robin was right, there is no off switch. Ted really wishes there was one. Robin sighs and agrees. They laugh and are awkward. Robin suggests that they be friends, and Ted does the hand over his heart like it hurts him thing. Robin knows that it sounds lame when people say that, but that they really could be friends. Ted isn't sure, since he's made such a jackass out of himself. Every time he sees her it will remind him that he's a jackass. Robin says that he's not a jackass. She explains that she just moved to New York in April, and she's always working, and she basically has no friends. She understands though. Ted offers to go for a beer in a few months when things are not so fresh. Robin sadly agrees, and starts to leave. Ted changes his offer to get a beer with everyone now. Robin agrees, and Ted says, “My friends are going to love you—like you! As a friend. Jackass...”
Fade into the bar, where everyone is sitting at the booth. Barney sees something that makes him say, “Unbelievable!” Over at the bar, Works With Carlos is making out with, well, Carlos. Barney says that it's a disaster, since they work together. Ted asks if he's jealous, and Barney scoffs, asking what Carlos has that he doesn't. Robin shoots him down with “A date tonight.” Lily tells her to rewind and play it again. Robin complies, even making the rewinding tape noises. Barney isn't sure he likes Robin. Ted asks Marshall if he has a paper to write. Marshall says, “Dude, you're talking to The Kid.” Ted knows. Marshall is going to finish his beer, have another beer, go upstairs and write his twenty-five page paper, and then get an A. He ends with, “My name is Rufus, and that's the trufus.” That reference is lost on me, but everyone else giggles. SagetTed tells us that Marshall ended up getting a B-, which is still amazing for writing it in one night. Ted gets up to buy the next round, and Robin goes with him to help carry. Over at the bar, Robin tells Ted that he is a catch and will make some lucky woman a good husband. She offers to help Ted find her. Ted wonders how someone can find the love of his life among so many people, or even where to begin. Robin taps the woman next to them on the shoulder and asks her, “Have you met Ted?” Robin heads back to the booth with the pitcher and Ted stays to chat. He looks over at Robin, and she grins at him. He grins back.