Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Upside Down

Apparently there is some sort of pheromone fog emanating from me. There have been some surreal things happening that I'm not used to dealing with at all. It started when I went down to Northridge for a training for my work. It took way less time than I had anticipated to drive down there, so I decided to take advantage of the spa, since it was open until 10 PM. I took the book I'm borrowing from Pam (The Book of Daniel, by E.L. Doctorow, I am not liking it very much) thinking to make a sizable dent in it. However, there was someone out in the spa already. I thought that seeing I had a book would deter any attempts at conversation, so I was still planning on getting some reading done, minus the small talk that everyone has to make when you are say, sitting in the same spa. The guy introduces himself and we chat, and he actually is very entertaining. And if you know me at all, you know that I love being entertained. And that I never shut the fuck up. So we talk a lot, about random what-are-you-like things, and then he goes for the closer, but the most ridiculous thing came out of his mouth. He looked over at me and said, "So, a guy like you and a girl like me..." I just sort of looked at him like "Excuse me?" and he realized what he had actually said. It was quite endearing actually. In fact, if he had managed to say what he was trying to say, it probably would have not gone over well. But the fact that he messed it up and got all embarrassed was cute. So long story short, we spent some more time together, and I told him that I would meet him the next evening after dinner with my friends who live down there.
Turns out that my friends are total cock blockers and we didn't even leave for dinner until 8:30, and I didn't get back to my hotel until nearly midnight. On top of that, my dumb ass cannot remember numbers to save my life, so I had no clue what room he was in. I did, however, remember that he told me where he works, so what did my crazy ass do? Yeah, I called his work and asked if I could leave my number for my friend that I was trying to get in touch with. I am insane. I never denied it. But good sign! He called me literally three minutes after I left my number, so I was able to explain that I hadn't stood him up on purpose, I'm just retarded. I might have freaked him right the hell out though. We'll see if he ever calls me again.
So that was one adventure. Here's where things began to take a weird turn. Later that night my phone rang and it said "No name?", which means that it was either people wanting money or Mama calling from Mexico. Since it was almost ten at night, I went with Mama and answered. I was wrong on both counts, it turned out to be Ricardo. I used to work with him in the Ucen kitchen, and pretty much the whole time I knew him I was trying to hook up with him. We went out a few times, but nothing really ever came of it. But here he was, calling me after I haven't seen or talked to him in months. And the reason he called? To ask me out to dinner and a movie! There's no real explanation for it...
Then when Orly, Leslie and Paul (the Big Spoon) came up, we had to go downtown to a club. We ended up in Sandbar for some reason, and Orly got us in for free by flashing (but not really) the bouncer. I love that girl. We get into the club and get some drinks and head out to dance. It's been a while since I've been out and I forgot what happens to me. I was reminded quickly, since what happens is that within about ten minutes, some guy starts dancing with my ass. Not with me, with my ass. This always happens, but I'd forgotten about it. Anyway, he wasn't scary or anything, so I got him to buy me a drink, fully intending to drink it and disappear, for I am a total bitch after all. But we started talking, and again with the inability to shut the fuck up. Probably it had something to do with the massive amount of alcohol I consumed, but he seemed interesting, so I hung out with him for a while. (If you are related to me or you are easily offended, please skip to the next paragraph) I ended up bringing him back to my apartment, after everyone I was with made jokes about how I was sure to have a good time, since the guy happened to be black. Calm down, that wasn't the reason I brought him home, I really was having a good time. Well, it turns out that the stereotype is wildly inaccurate. Not only did this guy not have a big dick, he in fact had the smallest dick I have ever seen in my life. I mean that in all sincerity. Dude was tiny. Like, maybe four inches. So after that awkwardness, I had to take him back to his friend's house.
The next unusual thing happened when I had to go to the grocery store since I had pretty much only pasta left to eat. I hit up Trader Joe's, because I would starve without that place I tell you. After I stocked up on orange chicken, I headed over to Albertson's for supplementary stuff. I was kinda spaced out, focusing on steering my wonky-ass cart without crashing it, so I wasn't paying attention. I heard somebody say hello, but I heard it in that vague background sort of way. Then I heard, "Ok, fine, don't say hi. i see how it is." This got my attention, and I love to eavesdrop, so I looked around to see what was going on. The cashier that I had passed on my way in was staring at me with a huge grin on his face and said "Are you gonna say hi or what?" I was like, "Me? Ok, hello." Then he smiled even bigger and I blushed and wandered off to find my groceries. Y'all, he was hot too. So I decided to go to his checkout line when I was finished. He said something like "Oh no, here's the girl who doesn't talk to anyone." Then there was some hardcore flirting action. It was nuts. I seriously didn't know how to act. I'm so not used to that. That sort of think doesn't really happen to me. I wasn't even dressed cute or anything. I was completely covered up and my hair was just kinda thrown up in a messy pony tail and I had some serious raccoon eyes going on.
Given all of these random and rapidly occurring instances with guys, I think that there must be some sort of pheromone just pouring off of me. What other explanation can there be?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

SHAWN was the cockblocker, not me!
Oh, I say you go to Albertson's more often. *nod*

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