Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Breath Again

Ok so, let me start this by saying that I love Toni Braxton. I owned her CD and you can bet that I belted out "Un-Break My Heart" along with the rest of us and desperately wished I could look as awesome in torn-to-shreds jeans. So when I saw this picture, my heart nearly did break:

I didn't even believe that it WAS Toni Braxton at first, but the Fug Girls do not lie, nor would they be so cruel. Wanting to un-break my own heart, I did a little digging and found out that Toni Braxton did, in fact, wear this hideous dress, but for a fantastic reason that sort of made me love her even more. It turns out that Campbell's Soup decided to participate in the Red Dress thing for heart health awareness. Part of this was that they would have "designer" Lisa Perry design three dresses that people would vote on and then the winning dress would be worn to this event. Since Toni Braxton actually has heart health issues, she decided that she would wear the winning dress, before even seeing what would be afflicted upon her. Brave woman, since she ended up looking like she hauled herself down to Mexico and went crazy at Papa's and Beer.

So the "designer" Lisa Perry, came up with these dresses for the public to vote on (I don't know what's going on with the watermark. Computers still baffle me sometimes.):

Now, I think that the little red dress would have been a thousand times better on the TINY Toni Braxton, (seriously, she's like four feet tall) but does run the risk of making her looks a little too much like a tomato for my liking. And I'm not sure how I would have felt about a GIANT SPOON across Toni Braxton's stomach, like what image does that send? That she eats a lot? That her stomach is convex?
I don't think we need to discuss the third option, other than to say JESUS CHRIST LISA PERRRY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?
And really. Take a look at her "collection".
Pamala and I had the following conversation about the collection:

me: lisa perry needs to be slapped
Pamala: i just want to stick up for the woman
who was the musical god for me
when i was like 9-11
me: oh you know i had her cd
and belted along to every word
Pamala: i had the tape
me: oh snap
(link to lisa perry's site)
Pamala: ew
me: oh my god
i am so MAD at these dresses!
Pamala: those are the ugliest dresses EVER
did lisa perry not learn anything from the candy episode of project runway earlier this

We can't explain why these dresses are so ugly, why Lisa Perry was chosen to design the Campbell's dress, or why Toni Braxton didn't throw a diva-fit and refuse to wear such an ugly dress. But I seriously love that she sucked it up and was like, "I said I would wear the winning dress. Damn my big mouth." and then thanked God that she didn't have to wear the giant label dress. Toni Braxton, I love you. For real.

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