Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Trouble With Love Is

I've been thinking about past relationships a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I have a bad habit of dating guys that either a) have little to no future or b) are assholes. Sometimes they were a combination of both, like a sliding scale (but not like a Lazy Susan, Shawn). Now the asshole thing would be somewhat understandable, if I were talking about guys that are assholes in that "bad boy" sort of way, where they secretly have a heart of gold and all they need is the tender love of the right girl to reform them. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I am referring to the more sinister type of asshole-ness, the type that sneaks up on you. These guys seem normal when you first meet them, and for a while after they remain in that normal category. However, slowly, very slowly, you begin to witness jerk-type behavior. And you make excuses, "Oh, he's just cranky" or "He's stressed out" and the like. After a while though, it becomes undeniable that this guy is a full-fledged asshole. At which point, you shake your head and sigh at wasting so much time, and you move on. Hopefully.

Much more prevalent in my life have been guys that have little to no future. This trend is more disturbing as well, and the reason is two-fold. One, it preys on my nurturing side. I know that I try to come off as a cold-hearted bitch, but the reality is that if I truly care about someone, I'm very generous with them. Two, aside from being a general asshole, my father was great at not having a future. Sure, he's got his shit together now, and he has a nice business out in Texas, but when I was a kid, it was one job after another after another. Not to mention being in and out of rehab. Not that I think that he's lazy, in fact just the opposite. The man can't stop doing things. Even on his days off, he would constantly tinker in the garage on a variety of projects. The problem was that none of his ideas and projects spanned beyond the moment of conception. Sure, it might take a few months to follow through and complete whatever he was working on, but it was only to be able to say that he had accomplished whatever it was. There was never any thought to the bigger picture, no plans or projects with real staying power, nothing that would improve his mode of living above its current state.

This worries me, since I seem to have an affinity for guys with the same type of mentality, a sort of lack of ability to act toward to future. I have been getting better about this. I've gone from dating a guy living in a tent in a trailer park (no joke) to a really great guy who just doesn't have the level of motivation that I'm looking for. But this trend really makes me wonder if I will always choose guys that need some sort of care-taking. Would I recognize a guy who could share the care-taking burden equally?

1 comment:

Chris said...

It seems that because of your father's example when you were young, you identified yourself with this type of male figure. The identity runs deep, but its easier then you think to lose. Now that you've vented and come to terms with this affinity, forget it it and tell yourself the opposite. It will feel silly, and maybe like a lie at first, to tell yourself and others that your "type" is a successful, ambitious, compassionate and genuine, and that you have hight standards. The way the human mind works though is that you are what you tell yourself. Eventually, you will automatically become that girl. Its not magic. Its just the amazing ability of our minds. Its like turning off the negativity switch and turning on the positivity switch.

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