Giggle

This is one of the best things I have ever read on these here internets. The following comment (with a big ol' [sic]) is on a story that Spencer Pratt has declared a Twitter Douche Off with Ashton Kutcher. Behold:

NOW Ashton Kutcher is doing ANY stupid thing....what?without his mom-I mean Dumi Mooron with he fake-and look at this Scout daughter of hers-she ain't got no nostrils-where did they go george where did they go?NO NOSTRILS and with all of their $$$$$$$$$$ you'd think they could build her some nostrils.I guarentee people laugh behind he back when she snorts cocaine.I wonder if when at one time or another,she took playdough and made a pair of nostrils,I can only wonder.

I mean, seriously? "she ain't got no nostrils"? Gold. Pure. Comedy. Gold.

Crazy Germans

More Than Words

Oh HELL yes, there is going to be Rock of Love 3!

http://blog.vh1.com/2008-07-16/rock-of-love-3-its-onwith-bret/?source=hp_blog

Oh sweet baby Jesus, they're going to film it on a tour bus.

Did they say...Truck Stop Olympics?!?!?

Ooh, shiny...

My cat totally watches tv with me.

Not even Animal Planet. We were watching So You Think You Can Dance? She watched almost half of it, but then one of the couples danced a really boring routine and she lost interest.

Fuckin' Right!

Get yours.

Strange Days Are Here Again

I have previously documented the strange goings-on that occur during my lunches, and today that theme was continued loudly and proudly. Today, as I was driving to get my lunch, there was a man standing on the corner with a giant sign. His sign was covered in mostly illegible, small writing.
However.
In the middle of his sign, in giant letters, it said, "YOU NEED THERAPY!"
But that is not even the best part. What could be better you ask? The fact that he was wearing this:
With this kicky hat:

This town continues to bring the crazy awesome.

Soundtrack Of My Life

Pamala sent me this fun diversion a while ago, and I have sort of become obsessed with it. Here's what you do:

Put your itunes on shuffle and answer the questions/topics below with the name of the song. No skipping songs! Those songs are the soundtrack to your life.

Ok I need to make one addendum. I have a lot of Classical music on my ipod, so I am going to skip those. While they could be great for a soundtrack, it just isn't as much fun.

Here we go!

Opening Credit-Can't Cry These Tears by Garbage. This is a very tone-setting song. She's talking about trying to find love but it's nowhere and she is sick of looking and over it and she's done crying.

Waking Up-Let It Die by Feist. Wow what a sad song to wake up to. But I guess it could be interpreted as waking up to the reality of a relationship being over.

First Day of School-Het by The Pixies. An all around awesome song.

In Love-Basket Case by Green Day. An oddly appropriate song. I have great memories of this song, including one time when myself and a stranger yelled the lyrics across an apartment complex to each other in call and response fashion. Good times indeed.

Fight Song-Out Of My Mind by James Blunt. Oh come on. Am I fighting in slow motion here? Lame. I am a much better fighter than this.

Breaking Up-Shiver by Maroon 5. This is one of the more appropriate song on this list. It's about a hellish relationship. Not really about breaking up though, so maybe not all that appropriate after all.

Prom-I Loves You, Porgy by Billie Holiday. All together now-Aaaaaawwwwwwww...

Life-Black On Black by Heart. One of the greatest bands ever. This song is so awesome. Probably my favorite Heart song. I am rocking out over here.

Mental Breakdown-Let It Roll by Train. Yes, I have Train on my ipod. And it is not nearly the most embarrassing thing I have either. As far as appropriateness, it is marginal for a mental breakdown.

Driving-Anywhere You Go by The Gin Blossoms. How great is that? A song about following someone for driving to.

Flashback-Wrong Turn by Jack Johnson. A very "meh" song. Which could be appropriate, since I don't really have flashbacks, since I don't have a lot of memories to flashback to. If that makes sense.

Birth of Child-I Melt With You (cover) by Jason Mraz. A completely inappropriate song. Holy crap.

Final Battle-Now At Last by Feist. Eh, not really that great. I mean, I love Feist and all, but this song is about finding love and is all mushy. Not great for battling your foes.

Death Scene-Stranded by Heart. Yay Heart! And I guess this song works. Kind of. If someone else is dying maybe? Ok fine, it totally doesn't. But I still love Heart.

Funeral Song-Nugget by Cake. Ohhhhhhh-kaaaaaayyyy...I don't know how well a song where the chorus is "Shut the fuck up, learn to buck up" would go over at a funeral.

End Credit-Killing Floor by Howling Wolf. A nice rousing blues tune to yell out weird names to your friends to. I'm ok with this song.

Overall, this was not the best mix that I've done. I'm tempted to do it over, but I will resist. Oh, and for there record, there actually weren't any Classical songs that popped up, so this is completely accurate.

When I See You Cry, It Makes Me Smile

I love trashy reality shows more than anyone else I know. I have watched all of the Flavor of Love and New York shows. Hell, I even watched The Pickup Artist. And I wanted to punch "Mystery" in the face the whole time. But not as much as one of the contestants, Pradeep. He was such a prick!

But by far trashier than all of those combined, was Rock of Love, which featured the one and (thank God) only Bret Michaels on his quest for love. At the end of the show he ended up choosing Pink Haired Girl, whom I favored to win:

But alas, their love did not last. Shocking, I know. If you can't find love while your every moment is being televised, when can you find love?

So what is poor, broken-hearted Bret up to? Well, his quest for love continues! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you............

Rock of Love 2!

Let's take a closer look, shall we? We begin on the left:

Is that the worst wig you have ever seen? Also, how high does she look? Which, while fitting for the show, maybe this was not the most appropriate time. Another odd thing is how she seems to be not with the rest of the group at all. Perhaps she'll be the next Lacey, all social-outcasty and pyscho. But not if she's this high all the time. OOH! Maybe she'll be the one who gets kicked off right away for being drugged out and then blows the bouncer to get back in and sleeps on the couch before passing out in the middle of her phone sex audition! I hope so.

Next, we have this charmer, who was apparently dragged to this photoshoot by her hair when she was just trying to run out to pick up some groceries after slipping into her Uggs:

I'm not sure what to make of the girl in the back row. Is she naked? I can't tell. And my goodness does the girl in the pink dress look like a cardboard cutout! That is uncanny...

Then we have one of the few ladies who went for the "sultry" look and ended up with the "slutty" look:

I mean, not only is that black dress so tight that it looks like she can't breath, but when you look at her feet, it seriously looks like she's about to topple over!
Is it just me or does the curly haired blonde in the back there look a little bit like Victoria from the last cycle of Top Model? I hope it is and she gets all prickly with Bret.
Hey, Miss Penthouse '98, pull up your shirt, I can totally see your bra!

As for the poor girl in the pink shirt and leggings, honey, you need to stand up straight, you look pregnant like that.

Which brings us to the three girls behind Bret, who will clearly be BFF (!), since they all had the brilliant idea to sexily put their sexy fingers in or near their sexy mouths:

Speaking of which, what the hell is Bret doing with his fingers? Are those...double bullhorns/rock-on signs? Do you think he is having a bull fight/rock-off right in front of him?

Ok, moving right along. We now come to the One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other Ones section:

While the genius producers tried their hardest to obscure her in the back row, I can still see the short, dark-haired, possibly Indian woman's head. Am I crazy, or does she look really old to be on this show? We don't really need to talk about the skunk-haired girl with the crazy pose, but I would like to address the strangely normal looking girl's head. Who is she? Why is she on this show? Did she get lost and blunder onto the set?

The black girl with the mowhawk looks so incredible familiar to me. I swear that she was on the first season:

Now here is the other sultry/slutty sister:

I have to give her props in that she somehow looks even more like a hooker than her counterpart black-dress-wearer.

Yet another girl about whose well-being I am concerned is the blonde girl in the pink dress behind the hooker. Is she asleep? What happened to her head? Was her hair caught in some sort of bleaching mechanism in a tragic accident that she is facing bravely?

Now for the finale. It is readily apparent why these two lovely ladies were allowed to be in the front row. They are by far the best dressed of the bunch:

There are no words.

Diversion

This looks like it was so much fun. Granted, they lose it a bit at the end, but it was still pretty funny. Anyway, check it out.

A Survey All About Me (because I know you are dying to know these things)

Name:
Sarah Anne Epperson. My first name means Princess (jealous?) and my middle name means Grace. I find this ironic.
Birthday:
June 5.
Birthplace:
Newport Beach, Hoag Memorial Hospital, same as Niall. Crazy right?
Current Location:
Goleta (work) Santa Barbara (home)
Eye Color:
I'm a brown-eyed girl.
Hair Color:
Blonde
Height:
5'. Yup.
Right Handed or Left Handed:
Left, and I will therefore statistically die before y'all.
Your Heritage:
Irish to the max on Mama's side and Northern European mutt on Dad's.
The Shoes You Wore Today:
My comfy normal work shoes. I did a number on my feet yesterday with those wedges.
Your Weakness:
Shiny objects and cute animals.
Your Fears:
Spiders. Yuck. But mainly letting my fears prevent me from experiencing things.
Your Perfect Pizza:
I love Hawiian style.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Apply to some grad school or other. Also, lose 30 pounds.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
I miss teh internets at home! Waaaaaa!
Thoughts First Waking Up:
Something along the lines of "uggghhhgnnnnuuurrrgggg"
Your Best Physical Feature:
I really like my nose. Is that weird or what?
Your Bedtime:
I get into bed around 11, get to the sleep part around midnight, midnight thirty.
Your Most Missed Memory:
I have a semantic problem with this question. If I miss the memory, then I no longer have it, and if I no longer have it, how can I remember it to miss it? I get what it's asking, I just wanted to point out that the person who made this is dumb. Anyway, I miss drying my hair in front of the fireplace.
Pepsi or Coke:
Dr. Pepper.
MacDonalds or Burger King:
Yuck, fast food. I would have to say Burger King though because I used to go there a lot when I was a kid.
Single or Group Dates:
Single dates. Group dates are weird and make it seem like you aren't really on a date. Even double dates are weird.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Lipton. Nestea it too artificial tasting.
Chocolate or Vanilla:
I like vanilla.
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Coffee!
Do you Smoke:
I used to back in the day and I occassionally have one while drinking.
Do you Swear:
Like a fucking sailor.
Do you Sing:
I sing all the time, but I don't realize that I'm doing it. I am also cursed to remember the words to every single song I ever hear, even if it's just once.
Do you Shower Daily:
My skin is too dry, I'm an every-other-day shower-taker.
Have you Been in Love:
Yes. It sucks.
Do you want to go to College:
Again? Eventually.
Do you want to get Married:
I'm undecided and lean towards "No", becasue I don't know if I'm capable of that level of trust in another person.
Do you belive in yourself:
Most of the time.
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Only on that flying saucer looking ride at carnivals. Y'know, where you stick to the walls because it's spinning really fast. And you've just eaten like a pound of cotton candy...That did not end well.
Do you think you are Attractive:
Only if I'm not looking in a mirror.
Are you a Health Freak:
That's a resounding NO.
Do you get along with your Parents:
I get along with Mama as long as we aren't under the same roof for more than three or four days.
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Ah, yes. Haven't had a good one in a while though. I miss living in the desert sometimes. Sometimes.
Do you play an Instrument:
I used to play the Clarinet. I can still make noises with it.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
Of course. I would like to state for the record that I have issues with the word "drank". I just don't like it.
In the past month have you Smoked:
Nope.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
Do prescription muscle relaxers count as drugs?
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
No.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
Only if La Cumbre counts as a mall. So, no.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
I don't think that I've ever eaten an entire box of Oreos. Wow, how sick would you feel after that?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
I had sushi on Monday! God, I love sushi.
In the past month have you been on Stage:
Life is a stage! Right?
In the past month have you been Dumped:
No.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
Ew, no.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Not in the past month.
Ever been Drunk:
In my life? Are you serious?!
Ever been called a Tease:
I'm not a tease. If anyone called me one, they were lying.
Ever been Beaten up:
No, but that's because I fight dirty.
Ever Shoplifted:
I used to make a sport out of it at Claire's.
How do you want to Die:
I hope it will be painless, however it is. In reality though, I will probably be one of those people who, when people find out how I died, they kind of laugh and ask, "Are you serious?"
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
A giraffe. No, I want to be influential in either Evolutionary or Cognitive Psychology.
What country would you most like to Visit:
I want to go just about everywhere, but next on the list is Australia.
In a Boy/Girl...
Favourite Eye Color:
I'm a fan of lighter colors, but really it's the intensity of the eye that gets me.
Favourite Hair Color:
Dark hair plus light eyes equals DAY-UM.
Short or Long Hair:
Short. I like big hair though, so I'm a fan of the white-boy 'fro, AKA the Jewfro.
Height:
I am short myself, so as long as they are taller than me in heels, i.e. 5'4" or so, that's fine.
Weight:
Fit, but not all muscley.
Best Clothing Style:
Either suits (the tie is crucial) or preppy. But I will ALWAYS look twice at a guy in a cowboy hat, jeans and boots.
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Number of types, I am guessing between 6 and 10? I had a rough time in high school.
Number of CDs I own:
Actually own? Like 30-40. Have the music for? Hundreds.
Number of Piercings:
2 in each ear, I used to have my tounge pierced but I got over that. I want my nose done.
Number of Tattoos:
One for now. More to come. Can we say addiction?
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
My past had made me who I am today; regretting my past would be regretting who I have become.

Shiny

In the course of my job, I recently had to issue a test on a procedure to a ton of people. Not that that's very exciting. But what is exciting is that one of the people who had to correct their test with me (God, I just realized that I kind of became a teacher, in spite of my best efforts) ended up chatting with me for nearly half an hour. It turns out that she and I are personality twins. We somehow got to talking about tv shows and movies and we were freaking each other out with our identical tastes in those areas. So we both determined that we need to hang out and commiserate over our beloved Firefly and Eddie Izzard.
My internets at home are still not up and running (Fuck you, Cox Cable. Seriously. Fuck you.), so I'm confined to internet at work. Boo.

Hold Onto Your Hat!

Mama is coming today to stay with me for a few days! Hooray! And Dutchess, my dog, is with her!

In other news, I just heard my boss say "I may be an idiot." Incredibly satisfying.

In other, other news, this is possibly the greatest and simultaneously most disturbing thing I've seen in quite some time.

So Uninspired

I have been trying to come up with a topic to post about all day, and I've got nothing. Best Friend recently posted this awesome thing about describing colors in terms of the other senses (smell, taste, touch, sound) and she wants me to do the same. The problem is that hers were so right on and so good that I don't know if I can separate myself from it enough to have mine be all that different. At any rate, if I do do that, it will be far in the future. I want to, I just want it to be good. And today I am just not feeling "it". Maybe having McDonald's for lunch has something to do with it.
I am continuing to love my new apartment, even if I am ambiguous about the current furniture arrangement. I found a bunch of those tab thingies that will hold the cable cord down along two of the walls in the living room last night. If we used those, the tv could be moved to the opposite wall from its current place, so it would be adjacent to the kitchen entrance. Plus, I would get some use out of the absurdly long cable cord I have. And maybe move the big chair over to where the tv is now, and put the table and chairs...where? By the sliding glass door? Man, furniture is still hard. I think that Roommate is not working tomorrow, so we can talk and stuff then. We still have to fill out the "Here's stuff that was already damaged when we moved in" section of the lease, and then actually mail the lease off.
In other, equally boring, news, my garage door flat out refuses to close the bottom six inches. I can't say that I really blame it though, I wouldn't want to touch the ground out there either. Be that as it may, leaving the garage door open six inches all the time is not a wise thing to do, particularly when all of the spaces are connected. It's like one long garage with separate doors. So I called Landlord today and he says he'll fix it. I'm not going to hold my breath though.

Holy God, I am boring myself. I'm sorry, I just can't get my brain to think anything today.

Ok, maybe this will be fun. I made the observation the other day that a significant majority of my post titles are either song titles or lyrics. I have a thing about music. Yeah, I know most people have a thing about music, I'm not special. But here's my thing: I always know the words to whatever song is playing anywhere I go. I also have an unconscious compulsion to sing along with whatever song I hear. I sing in stores, in restaurants, at the supermarket, everywhere. I also sing in the car like a normal person, thing is, I don't realize that I'm singing. Another strange thing that I do is this: I often will sing a song lyric as a response in conversation. Or I will pepper emails (and apparently blog posts) with lyrics. I am beginning to wonder why song lyrics are the most readily accessible thing in my brain. I would hope that after getting that Bachelor's Degree, I would have something else kicking around up there...

So, for those of you that have done a quick review of my post titles so far and think that I'm lying to you, here's the rundown:

So Uninspired -- Natural Woman "When I feel...so...uninspired"

Puzzle Pieces on the Floor -- Postal Service, Such Great Heights "I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles / in our eyes are mirror images and when / We kiss they're perfectly aligned / And I have to speculate / That God Himself / Did make us into corresponding shapes / Like puzzle pieces on the floor".

Call it What You Want to Call it -- a rap/hip hop song in which the next line is "I'm a fucking alcoholic".

Suspicious Minds -- If you didn't get this one you should be shot.

Head in the Clouds -- Fiona Apple, Sleep to Dream "I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream / You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem".

I'm Not an Addict -- Only this part of the title is a song. K's Choice, Not an Addict. Great song, she's got an awesome voice.

So Many Reasons -- This was actually Nivea, 25 Reasons Why. But I didn't have 25.

Sitting, Waiting, You Know the Rest... -- Jack Johnson, Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.

Win Some, Lose Some -- Bryan Addams. That right, Bryan Fucking Addams. That is what is in my head.

Shaky Ground -- Lemonheads, Shaky Ground.

That's all for now. The rest weren't references to songs.