Hello, Hello

I am finally finished with my monster project at work, so I can now return to the important things in life, like posting about the freakish weather in Florida. Because holy hell people! One week it is in the nineties, the next week it's raining and in the seventies, then it's in the fifties and windy and below freezing at night, and now this week it's back to raining and in the seventies. I never know what kind of clothes to put on in the morning! At least now we have daylight savings time, so I am no longer trying to get ready for work before the sun is up. There is something very difficult about that for me, psychologically.
Anyway. I've been living in Florida for just over a month now, and so far I like it. It's hard not having anyone I can randomly call up and do things with, but I can usually drag Ricardo with me. But that brings up my question: how do you make friends in a new town when you are not in some sort of school situation? My coworkers are all older than me, married, and have young children, so they are not exactly friend-material. Should I be going out to bars and meeting people? I feel like that would get very awkward very quickly. Another part of this problem is that I don't really know how to approach women. Wow, that sounds weird. Ok, I know how to make friends with guys. Guys are easy. How do you make friends with women when there is not a built in situation for continued exposure?

Never Enough

Why do I have such a hard time enjoying something good happening?

Backstory that you've probably already heard:
I used to work on campus at UCSB in the main kitchen and the entire time I worked there, I had a mad crush on one of the chefs, Ricardo. We were friends and hung out a few times, but nothing ever came of it and we fell out of touch after I graduated.
Flash forward seven months to the Gunther concert, where I ran into him on campus. We chatted and did our How've-You-Beens and then he had to go. No big deal. Another few months go by and then one day out of the blue he called me up and asked me if I'd like to have dinner and see a movie. A month of schedule juggling later, we finally went out. And we still are.
It's all very Sixteen Candles.
So here's my deal. I keep thinking that it's a set up or something. I don't know how to explain myself completely. I just keep anticipating everything to crash and burn. Which I am well aware is Crazy Talk. But it's in my head and I can't get it out. It is seriously starting to bother me. He does these great and unexpected things, and I can never just relax and fully appreciate it. I mean, he knew I liked wine, so the other night when he came over to watch a movie, he brought a Riesling for christsake. Not to mention the fact that he loved Serenity.
So what is my problem? Why do I always have this vague sense of dread whenever something good is happening in my life?

Comment Contest

Here's a contest for those of you who like a challenge. Each of the post titles listed below is either a song title or a song lyric. If you know the name of the song and the artist, then put it in a comment. Some are easy, but some are quite hard. All of them are actual songs. I've made links to the original posts if you want a few clues. The person who gets the most right wins a prize!

You Make Me Wanna...
Scar Tissue
Low
Love Cat(s)
Hello Mother
Ooh, You Touch My Tra-la-la
Infernal Machine!
People are Strange
A Little Less Conversation
If You Really Loved Me...
Losing My Religion (an Existential Crisis)
Evolution
Sleep Deprived
Evasive Maneuvers
Celebrate, Come On!
Just When I Thought it Couldn't Get Any Better
A Thinking Thing
It's A Mystery
Take Another Piece of My Heart
The Saints are Coming...
Happy Day Mama
We Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and FIGHT!
Colorblind
Crash Into Me
Precious Memories

Evasive Maneuvers

Friends, readers, countrymen, lend me your ears. Eyes. Whatever. I need your help with a delicate problem. It seems I have accidentally befriended the craziest person at my work. This is a woman twice my age who apparently wants to be my best friend, which I would normally not have a problem with (who wouldn't want to be my friend?) except for the nagging fact that she is completely batshit fucking crazy. Before I was aware of this little tidbit, I agreed to go walking at lunch sometimes with her. This happened through a rather boring course of events which I will spare you (see how kind I am?). Shortly after these plans were made, things began to go awry. Upon finding out that my Easter plans included a hike up the mountain (which never did happen, thanks to my damn allergies), she expressed a burning desire to go for walks on the beach on the weekend with me. I quickly deterred this plan by saying that I never know what my weekend plans are until the day before, which is largely true. This weekend is an exception, but more on that after it's all over and I've gotten some sleep.
Moving on. After I told her that weekends aren't good for me to plan, she tells me that she understands, since she is really busy on weekends too. Huh? Then why are you trying to plan things with me?
But wait, there's more! Earlier this week, I asked her a work-y question. She responded briefly and then expounded on how much she was looking forward to our walk (which was today). I mentioned that Pam might like to join us, since she works next door and we usually have lunch together. Apparently, this did not sit well with the crazy one, who them sent me six emails in less than three minutes explaining that she preferred one on one walking, and that she used to work next door and "wanted to pass on getting up-to-date on them", because clearly that's all Pam would talk about. I have to work with her still, so I just decided to go with it and have it be just me and her, creepy as she was getting. She was extremely effusive in her thanks, which just bumped up the Creep-O-Meter. The phrase "one-on-one the first time" was used.
So The Day arrived today, and it turns out that she forgot to bring her lunch, so she wants to walk a bit and then go get some food. How convenient. At first she was angling for this atrocious Hawaiian barbecue place that the smell of makes me nauseous, but I suggested sushi and she agreed. Things are going to get a bit play-by-play here because it just happened. We went to the park and walked for a bit, during which time she complained about people at work. Then we headed over to the sushi place, where she was all kinds of particular about where we sat. I don't want to keep writing "and she talked about people at work", so just imagine that during all of the events I am describing, she is doing just that. Constantly. Good. We finally got our food, at which point she gushed for a bit about how wonderful sushi is. Which it is and all, but for fuck's sake, she got a Cali roll and a teriyaki bowl. I had a Spicy Tuna roll and a teriyaki bowl. We ate for a bit and she talked the entire time with food in her mouth. I cannot stand that.
She asked my what I had, and (brace yourself, this is gross) poked my Spicy Tuna roll with her fork that she had been eating off of! I didn't know what to do! I barely know this woman, and she's getting her germs all over my food. Shudder. I don't want to think about it anymore. I then had to explain to the Food-Toucher what was in my Spicy Tuna roll, since it isn't, y'know, self-explanatory at all. Then she says, and this is gold, "Oh I'm an expert on California rolls, but anything else I have no idea." Am I to take that it is hard to know all there is to know about California rolls? Seriously?
My question to you, dearest readers, is how I can politely deter her crazy advances without mucking up things at work. Keep in mind that she's crazy and I don't want to wake up to my cat's severed head or something.

A Thinking Thing

As you may have noticed, it's been a while since I've posted anything. There is a reason for this. There are some things going on in my life right now that I've wanted to keep in my own head and posting here would have been too much of a temptation to sort my thoughts out. But then I realized that the whole point of this blog was so that I would have somewhere to do that type of sorting out. I fully understand if anyone wants to just ignore this post, since it's going to deal with that icky love stuff. So (deep breath), here goes.
The main thing that I've been mulling over is my relationship. It's not in a state that I am very happy about right now. I'm worried that Niall might not have some things that are very important to me. I'm a very driven person, and it's hard for me to understand or even relate to people who don't have that going on. Niall doesn't seem to have such drive; he's great at making plans, but the follow through is lacking. I don't mean like "where to have dinner" plans, I mean "getting a job after graduation" plans. I understand that it's a scary time, I went through it after all. What I don't understand is ignoring the situation in hopes that it will solve itself. I mean, this is not the type of thing that you can just put off. You know you need to do it, just suck it up and go do it.
I don't want to always be the one who takes care of everything. I want someone who I can rely on to do what needs to be done. I'm afraid that Niall isn't going to be that someone. Time will tell, but I'm still afraid. And in turn, that fear is making me hold myself back emotionally. I want things to work, but if they don't, I don't want to get hurt. So I guess I'm bracing myself. Which begs the question, am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Curiosity Killed the Cat

This morning I decided to log on to Facebook and see what'd been going on in the stalker-feed. Not much, people adding things to their profile, leaving groups, making friends, what have you. Then I notice it. Up in the corner. "You have been poked by Ex-Boyfriend." This caused some head-tilting confusion (apparently I'm all about the hyphens today) since the last communication session with him involved him voicing (well, typing actually) his concern about having relationships with two different girls. My response was sort of a kiss-off, and I didn't hear from him for months. Then this. Not even a note or a brief email to say Hello. Just a poke. It's been bothering me all day. I should warrant more than a poke. Especially considering the mental turmoil that he always manages to stir up whenever I have some form of communication with him. We parted ways on -- not bad terms, but obviously not good ones. There was talk of remaining friends. I'm always skeptical of that, because it rarely works, and never in my experience. I did though, because I still retained the misguided hope that he and I could somehow, someday, have a relationship again.
I haven't been considering that in quite some time now. With Ex-Boyfriend living in another country, I was able to gain some perspective and see what a dysfunctional relationship that was for both of us. Several of the conversations that we had as "friends" enabled me to move on and focus on myself. I am a different person now than I was when he and I were together. I feel more myself than I have in years. Stronger. More confident.
All of these things are a little threatened when he pops back into my life. He talks to me and treats me the same as when we were in a relationship, and that chafes me now. I want to assert myself to him, but I am afraid of his reaction. Will he disdain me even more? Will I be seen as one of the fools he was so quick to identify as useless? Another question is why his opinion matters to me as much as it seems to. If I would rather not communicate with him at all, why do I care what his opinion of me is?
I definitely wish that I could go through the rest of my life without interference from him. But at the same time, I can't seem to let it go when he does something like this. One click of the mouse and he's got me on the defensive. I guess that I could just say that it's the drive to know "Why? Why? Why?", but that doesn't seem satisfactory. It feels like there is some deeper reason than simple curiosity at work here. I apparently welcome the obsessive state that communication with him puts me in. Am I a glutton for punishment? Or am I striving to best him at some undefined and ultimately useless contest of wills?

I just don't have the answers.

Suspicious Minds

A curious thing happened the other day. While I was packing up my desk and siting on the floor, Singe was sleeping on the bed. Asshat came home and stopped to talk to Other Guy for a bit about his car that he's fixing up or whatever. Then Asshat came walking down the hall towards his room while still talking. As he got closer, Singe jumped up and rocketed past me under the bed. She almost ran into me in her rush to get under the bed.

It could just be loud noises or voices startling her, but Other Guy has come into my room to talk to me and Singe will just lie on the bed and not bat an eye. But apparently the sound of Asshat's voice is enough to send her running for cover. Maybe it's that weird chipmunk voice of his.

It just happened again. It's definitely only when she hears Asshat coming. I can't believe this. What has been going on when I'm not here? Why is she scared of him? I'm worried about leaving her here for any amount of time now. I don't know what to do aside from come home right away every day and not go anywhere. At least I'm moving in a week. I know confronting him won't do any good. What, he's going to say, "Oh, yeah she probably is scared of me because I [insert horrible thing] when you aren't here."

I just need to get out of here.

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What Do Y'all Think?

The Dresser Dilemma has been solved. Mama wants to take it to Arizona, so now I just have to hang onto it until she can pick it up. Now if the damn check that Dad sent me would just get here, I can actually give my part of the deposit for the apartment(who ever heard of it taking a week to mail something from Texas to California?), and I'll be all set to move in a week and a half! Then I'll be rid of the Dubious Duo I live with now. Although I will miss the little incidents like last night's Dish-Washing-Yelling-Cabinet-Door-Slamming Midnight Marathon. I do live for those moments.
Other than being so tired I feel like I'm about to fall over, today has been a good day. We had a big Company Luncheon today, which was a pleasant surprise, since I had forgotten that it was today. The theme was Chinese New Year, the upside of which was an abundance of mediocre Chinese food and the downside of which is that I'm hungry. But I have some delicious pizza waiting at home for me, so I have that to look forward to.
On a completely different note, I am thinking of doing a Full Disclosure once I'm done dealing with Asshat (i.e. once I get my deposit back), mainly because I'm tired of making up code names for everyone. Thoughts? Opinions?

I'm Not an Addict, I Can Quit Whenever I Want

I’ve had two cups of coffee already today, and I still cannot keep my eyes from closing every few minutes. I either need to cut back on my caffeine intake or I need to start mainlining adrenaline. Since it would take a ton of actual effort to get my paws on some adrenaline and I have a pathological fear of needles, it looks like I’m stuck with cutting back on the sweet, sweet nectar my coffeepot produces. The problem with this is twofold. Part one is that I am basically not good for anything until I’ve had a cup of coffee in the mornings, and even with that starter cup, I’m still a zombie until about 8:30 or 9:00. Part two is that I once tried to kick my caffeine habit before and I ended up suffering from a hardcore withdrawal headache that finally abated once I caved in and had a soda. At what point do I start calling this an addiction? I crave it, I can’t function normally without it, I’ve tried to quit unsuccessfully, and I suffer withdrawals if I experience a prolonged length of time without it. Now excuse me while I go finish off the rest of my Dr. Pepper from lunch.