Friday, April 27, 2007


It is most definitely a Friday. I've had two cups of coffee before ten, spilled said coffee on my hand and burnt it a little, done all manner of pretending to work, and rehashed the week's gossip. All before lunch. Lunch is, in fact, still a distant dream for two hours from now. A sad day indeed.
The most productive (depending on how you look at it) thing I've done today was to restyle my blog. You like?
One thing to note is that I've done some thinking regarding the Number Four post from yesterday. What I've decided is that there will be one post in the Number Four Series each week. I'm not setting aside a particular day for these, since I don't even know which day of the week I will have sufficient energy for that discussion. Each post in the Series will deal with a different topic in relation to Number Four. Some examples of these topics include, but are certainly not limited to: copycat behavior, her crazy mom, her pants (circus and otherwise), and the Crock Pot of Doom. If there is anything you would like me to write about with regard to Number Four, stick it in a comment and I'll see what I can do to satisfy you.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Number Four--Introduction

I've put this off for a long time now, mostly because I knew that it would take a great deal of time and energy to write this particular post. My intention is to explain, as much as one person ever can, the phenomenon that is Number Four. Sit back and get comfy, this is gonna take some doin'.
We begin at the beginning. Shortly after Pamala moved up here to go to UCSB (she and I were both transfers, so no dorms for us), she met Paula through Hillel. At first, Paula is nondescript and seems nice, if a bit slow. This is misleading, a trap if you will, because Pamala quickly realized that Paula is quite possibly insane. But not kill-you-in-your-sleep-insane. At some point, Pamala mentioned that she lived in Santa Ynez (campus owned apartments) and didn't know who she was going to live with the next year. Paula chimed in that they should live together. Pamala agreed, not knowing how deep the crazy went, and also because, in spite of herself, Pamala is just a nice person.
Flash forward about seven months. Pamala and Orly have met and become friends for life, and I have just met both of them through our mutual friend and my neighbor, Anna. Anna thought that Pamala, Orly and I, all living in Santa Ynez and wanting to continue living there the next year, might like to all move in together. We hung out a bit, liked each other, and it was settled. Pamala mentioned that her best friend from home would also be coming to UCSB the next year, and perhaps she could move in with us too. We agreed, seeing no problem with that.
Then one day Pamala came to us with the following problem. It turned out that Paula had taken that idea that wasn't really ever formalized at the beginning of the year and stuck with it, and would now be without a place to live if we chose Pamala's best friend from home over her. At this point, Orly and I had both met Paula and seen that she wasn't quite right. Having no desire to live with her, we told Pamala that we would prefer not to, but that it was ultimately up to her. In the end Pamala chickened out and caved in to Paula. Not what I would have done, but not everyone is a cold-hearted bitch like me.
This concludes Part One of the Number Four Saga. More to come.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Gunther is Coming!

I can hardly contain myself, I'm so excited. This whole thing seems like a dream. I don't think that I'll ever realize that it's really happening, even while it is. But I do know that I will cherish the memories forever.
It occurs to me that some of you may not have been initiated into the glory that is the worship of Gunther. Those of you who have not swooned at the sight of this prime piece of man-meat,
click here. Those of you whole have not marveled at the wondrous musical styling of this world treasure, click on the "teasers". And those of you who wish to rekindle the flame that once burned as bright in your hearts as mine, click here to be united with the love of your life once again.
Join me and the rest of Gunther's faithful followers on May 11th in Storke Plaza at UCSB for a magical evening of Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Sleep Deprived

This last weekend was a very eventful one for me and Niall. On Friday night I had some work people over for a celebratory "Hooray, I Officially Got Hired Full Time and I Now Have Health Care and I Can Go to the Dentist Whenever I Want, Even Though I'm Not Going to" potluck dinner. Some good times were had, some wine was drunk (drank? drunken? dranken?), and some Catchphrase was played. We got some good inside jokes out of that, especially since Clay and Kristin can percolate coffee, but they don't know how to brew it. Hee.
On Saturday morning, Niall and I got up early and did the MS Walk, which was hard. I am out of shape and six miles ain't easy when you have flat feet anyway. But I went the whole way, and I'm very proud of myself. My team raised a lot of money for a cause that's important to me and I'm happy about that.
Saturday afternoon we headed down to Costa Mesa to stay at Niall's house. We left Santa Barbara at about 3:30 and we didn't make it to his house until almost 7:00. This is normally a two hour trip, but there was the typical Leaving Santa Barbara Traffic, because no one here can drive. After we got past the area where that normally lightens up, it was still pretty heavy traffic. It was then that we did the two dumbest things we could have done.
1. I said, "I hope it won't be like this all the way."
2. Niall said, "I guarantee it won't be like this the whole way."
You can guess what happened. It was like that the whole way down. I'm normally not a superstitious person, but things like that seem to happen on a frequent basis to me.
After we finally got down to Costa Mesa, we went out to dinner with Billy and Virginia, whom Niall has been friends with forever. They are insanely perfect for each other, which is good since they're getting married later this year. They are thinking about having Niall be a groomsman, but I'm not sure if it's been finalized yet. Whatever happens, it'll be a ton of fun and I just hope I can get down at least one size before the wedding. I'm getting serious now, after I saw just how out of shape I am on that walk. Anyway, we went to Ruby's on the pier. We made the unwise decision to sit upstairs, where we had one of the worst waitresses I've ever had and our heater was kinda jankey and not heating us so much. Our food took forever to come, the busboy ended up giving us refills, and when our food did finally come, it was cold and Virginia's was wrong. Now, I know how hard it is to waitress, I couldn't do it when I was fifteen and I don't really want to try it now, and I fully recognize that things can go wrong that are not the waitresses fault. But she had this "Yeah, whatever." attitude about everything that I hate so much. "Excuse me, I had asked for onions on my burger." "Oh, I guess I'll bring you a side." "Um, our fries are cold." "Ok, do you want new ones?" Bitch, do your job. That is all I ask, really. Is that so much?
Where was I? Saturday night? That was pretty much it. We went back to his house and slept. We are boring.
Sunday morning we had to get up earlier than I wanted to because somebody forgot to mention that we had to pick up Niall's parents and brother at the airport (they went college touring) at 11:00. I really wanted to go shopping, since I don't have that many pants to wear to work, and I only actually like one pair. So we got up and went to breakfast and headed over to Old Navy. However, since Old Navy is run by someone who isn't interested in turning a profit, the store didn't open until 10:00 AM. We showed up at 9:00, like normal functioning members of society who wanted to get stuff done before noon. So that left me with one hour to find a pair of pants in Old Navy. How did I do, you ask? I got I think five tank tops and a button up white shirt that actually closes over my chest, which is hard to find. "But the pants. What about the pants?" you ask. Well, I made the discovery that Old Navy does not actually carry pants that fit human beings. At one point I actually had a pair that fit me until the knee, at which point the pants exploded outward and became two feet wide. Who thinks this is a good look? And I am morally opposed to spending more for tailoring that I did on the actual pants, so I didn't get any.
Sunday afternoon and evening were definitely the highlight of the weekend. We met up with Christina From Work and her boyfriend Mark at Phillipe's for the traditional pre-game lunch, and headed over to Dodger Stadium! For the Sixtieth Anniversary Jackie Robinson Game! And we caught a ball from batting practice! And Jennifer Hudson sang the National Anthem! And Jesse Jackson got caught stuffing his face on the jumbo screen! And, best of all, the Dodger's completely spanked the Padres!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Evasive Maneuvers

Friends, readers, countrymen, lend me your ears. Eyes. Whatever. I need your help with a delicate problem. It seems I have accidentally befriended the craziest person at my work. This is a woman twice my age who apparently wants to be my best friend, which I would normally not have a problem with (who wouldn't want to be my friend?) except for the nagging fact that she is completely batshit fucking crazy. Before I was aware of this little tidbit, I agreed to go walking at lunch sometimes with her. This happened through a rather boring course of events which I will spare you (see how kind I am?). Shortly after these plans were made, things began to go awry. Upon finding out that my Easter plans included a hike up the mountain (which never did happen, thanks to my damn allergies), she expressed a burning desire to go for walks on the beach on the weekend with me. I quickly deterred this plan by saying that I never know what my weekend plans are until the day before, which is largely true. This weekend is an exception, but more on that after it's all over and I've gotten some sleep.
Moving on. After I told her that weekends aren't good for me to plan, she tells me that she understands, since she is really busy on weekends too. Huh? Then why are you trying to plan things with me?
But wait, there's more! Earlier this week, I asked her a work-y question. She responded briefly and then expounded on how much she was looking forward to our walk (which was today). I mentioned that Pam might like to join us, since she works next door and we usually have lunch together. Apparently, this did not sit well with the crazy one, who them sent me six emails in less than three minutes explaining that she preferred one on one walking, and that she used to work next door and "wanted to pass on getting up-to-date on them", because clearly that's all Pam would talk about. I have to work with her still, so I just decided to go with it and have it be just me and her, creepy as she was getting. She was extremely effusive in her thanks, which just bumped up the Creep-O-Meter. The phrase "one-on-one the first time" was used.
So The Day arrived today, and it turns out that she forgot to bring her lunch, so she wants to walk a bit and then go get some food. How convenient. At first she was angling for this atrocious Hawaiian barbecue place that the smell of makes me nauseous, but I suggested sushi and she agreed. Things are going to get a bit play-by-play here because it just happened. We went to the park and walked for a bit, during which time she complained about people at work. Then we headed over to the sushi place, where she was all kinds of particular about where we sat. I don't want to keep writing "and she talked about people at work", so just imagine that during all of the events I am describing, she is doing just that. Constantly. Good. We finally got our food, at which point she gushed for a bit about how wonderful sushi is. Which it is and all, but for fuck's sake, she got a Cali roll and a teriyaki bowl. I had a Spicy Tuna roll and a teriyaki bowl. We ate for a bit and she talked the entire time with food in her mouth. I cannot stand that.
She asked my what I had, and (brace yourself, this is gross) poked my Spicy Tuna roll with her fork that she had been eating off of! I didn't know what to do! I barely know this woman, and she's getting her germs all over my food. Shudder. I don't want to think about it anymore. I then had to explain to the Food-Toucher what was in my Spicy Tuna roll, since it isn't, y'know, self-explanatory at all. Then she says, and this is gold, "Oh I'm an expert on California rolls, but anything else I have no idea." Am I to take that it is hard to know all there is to know about California rolls? Seriously?
My question to you, dearest readers, is how I can politely deter her crazy advances without mucking up things at work. Keep in mind that she's crazy and I don't want to wake up to my cat's severed head or something.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Celebrate, Come On!

I have officially been hired by the company that I've been temping at for the last three months. I have health care! I can go to the dentist! Not that I'm going to, but I can. The first doctor-y thing I'm going to do though is take a trip to the optometrist, since I am currently using an eight year old pair of glasses. I don't typically wear my glasses (which is why they're so old), but my eyes have taken to refusing to endure contacts. I took a several months long break from contacts, and started back on contacts a little over a week ago. Things are fine so far, but today mine eyes are a bit dry. This is the problem overall, really. I have Dry Eye Syndrome, where my eyes are (drum roll) too dry. They actually wanted to put plugs in my tear ducts at one point. Like this. Yeah, ew. No thanks.
In other areas, life continues on an upswing. Niall and I had a long conversation this weekend and "things" got resolved. At least, I hope they did. We shall see.
This weekend is going to be very eventful. I am having a celebratory potluck with the work people on Friday, then I have the
MS Walk on Saturday (which you should donate to, even $5.00 is meaningful), and then Niall and I are going to the 60th Anniversary Jackie Robinson game on Sunday. And I am ashamed to say that Mama didn't know who I was talking about when I told her that. It went like this:
"I'm going to the sixtieth anniversary Jackie Robinson game on Sunday."
"Ok, I don't know what you're talking about..." (this is probably the sentence that my mom uses the most with me)
"Baseball, Mama."
"Oh, ok. Who again?"
"Jackie Robinson. The first black player in major league baseball."
"That's nice. Will he be playing?"
"Oh my god, Mom, no. He's dead. Sixtieth anniversary."
Someday I hope that my mom comes to visit the rest of us. But for now, I think she's happy in her own reality.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Just When I Thought It Couldn't Get Any Better

Those of you who have read older posts may remember how I feel about Loud Coworker and his unfortunate musical tendencies. I finally did remember to bring some headphones to work, hence not as much difficulty with hiding sharp objects from myself. However. I was treated to Loud Coworker's ring tone over and over while he was away from his cellphone. Can you guess what his ring tone is? Can you? Well, you don't have to, I'll tell you. Panic! At The Disco, I Write Sins, Not Tragedies. The chorus. On repeat. If you have a mental image of me grappling with my own hand, which is in turn trying to stab my ear with a pen, then you've got an accurate picture of things.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

A Survey All About Me (because I know you are dying to know these things)

Sarah Anne Epperson. My first name means Princess (jealous?) and my middle name means Grace. I find this ironic.
June 5.
Newport Beach, Hoag Memorial Hospital, same as Niall. Crazy right?
Current Location:
Goleta (work) Santa Barbara (home)
Eye Color:
I'm a brown-eyed girl.
Hair Color:
5'. Yup.
Right Handed or Left Handed:
Left, and I will therefore statistically die before y'all.
Your Heritage:
Irish to the max on Mama's side and Northern European mutt on Dad's.
The Shoes You Wore Today:
My comfy normal work shoes. I did a number on my feet yesterday with those wedges.
Your Weakness:
Shiny objects and cute animals.
Your Fears:
Spiders. Yuck. But mainly letting my fears prevent me from experiencing things.
Your Perfect Pizza:
I love Hawiian style.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Apply to some grad school or other. Also, lose 30 pounds.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
I miss teh internets at home! Waaaaaa!
Thoughts First Waking Up:
Something along the lines of "uggghhhgnnnnuuurrrgggg"
Your Best Physical Feature:
I really like my nose. Is that weird or what?
Your Bedtime:
I get into bed around 11, get to the sleep part around midnight, midnight thirty.
Your Most Missed Memory:
I have a semantic problem with this question. If I miss the memory, then I no longer have it, and if I no longer have it, how can I remember it to miss it? I get what it's asking, I just wanted to point out that the person who made this is dumb. Anyway, I miss drying my hair in front of the fireplace.
Pepsi or Coke:
Dr. Pepper.
MacDonalds or Burger King:
Yuck, fast food. I would have to say Burger King though because I used to go there a lot when I was a kid.
Single or Group Dates:
Single dates. Group dates are weird and make it seem like you aren't really on a date. Even double dates are weird.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Lipton. Nestea it too artificial tasting.
Chocolate or Vanilla:
I like vanilla.
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Do you Smoke:
I used to back in the day and I occassionally have one while drinking.
Do you Swear:
Like a fucking sailor.
Do you Sing:
I sing all the time, but I don't realize that I'm doing it. I am also cursed to remember the words to every single song I ever hear, even if it's just once.
Do you Shower Daily:
My skin is too dry, I'm an every-other-day shower-taker.
Have you Been in Love:
Yes. It sucks.
Do you want to go to College:
Again? Eventually.
Do you want to get Married:
I'm undecided and lean towards "No", becasue I don't know if I'm capable of that level of trust in another person.
Do you belive in yourself:
Most of the time.
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Only on that flying saucer looking ride at carnivals. Y'know, where you stick to the walls because it's spinning really fast. And you've just eaten like a pound of cotton candy...That did not end well.
Do you think you are Attractive:
Only if I'm not looking in a mirror.
Are you a Health Freak:
That's a resounding NO.
Do you get along with your Parents:
I get along with Mama as long as we aren't under the same roof for more than three or four days.
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Ah, yes. Haven't had a good one in a while though. I miss living in the desert sometimes. Sometimes.
Do you play an Instrument:
I used to play the Clarinet. I can still make noises with it.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
Of course. I would like to state for the record that I have issues with the word "drank". I just don't like it.
In the past month have you Smoked:
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
Do prescription muscle relaxers count as drugs?
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
Only if La Cumbre counts as a mall. So, no.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
I don't think that I've ever eaten an entire box of Oreos. Wow, how sick would you feel after that?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
I had sushi on Monday! God, I love sushi.
In the past month have you been on Stage:
Life is a stage! Right?
In the past month have you been Dumped:
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
Ew, no.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Not in the past month.
Ever been Drunk:
In my life? Are you serious?!
Ever been called a Tease:
I'm not a tease. If anyone called me one, they were lying.
Ever been Beaten up:
No, but that's because I fight dirty.
Ever Shoplifted:
I used to make a sport out of it at Claire's.
How do you want to Die:
I hope it will be painless, however it is. In reality though, I will probably be one of those people who, when people find out how I died, they kind of laugh and ask, "Are you serious?"
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
A giraffe. No, I want to be influential in either Evolutionary or Cognitive Psychology.
What country would you most like to Visit:
I want to go just about everywhere, but next on the list is Australia.
In a Boy/Girl...
Favourite Eye Color:
I'm a fan of lighter colors, but really it's the intensity of the eye that gets me.
Favourite Hair Color:
Dark hair plus light eyes equals DAY-UM.
Short or Long Hair:
Short. I like big hair though, so I'm a fan of the white-boy 'fro, AKA the Jewfro.
I am short myself, so as long as they are taller than me in heels, i.e. 5'4" or so, that's fine.
Fit, but not all muscley.
Best Clothing Style:
Either suits (the tie is crucial) or preppy. But I will ALWAYS look twice at a guy in a cowboy hat, jeans and boots.
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Number of types, I am guessing between 6 and 10? I had a rough time in high school.
Number of CDs I own:
Actually own? Like 30-40. Have the music for? Hundreds.
Number of Piercings:
2 in each ear, I used to have my tounge pierced but I got over that. I want my nose done.
Number of Tattoos:
One for now. More to come. Can we say addiction?
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
My past had made me who I am today; regretting my past would be regretting who I have become.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

A Thinking Thing

As you may have noticed, it's been a while since I've posted anything. There is a reason for this. There are some things going on in my life right now that I've wanted to keep in my own head and posting here would have been too much of a temptation to sort my thoughts out. But then I realized that the whole point of this blog was so that I would have somewhere to do that type of sorting out. I fully understand if anyone wants to just ignore this post, since it's going to deal with that icky love stuff. So (deep breath), here goes.
The main thing that I've been mulling over is my relationship. It's not in a state that I am very happy about right now. I'm worried that Niall might not have some things that are very important to me. I'm a very driven person, and it's hard for me to understand or even relate to people who don't have that going on. Niall doesn't seem to have such drive; he's great at making plans, but the follow through is lacking. I don't mean like "where to have dinner" plans, I mean "getting a job after graduation" plans. I understand that it's a scary time, I went through it after all. What I don't understand is ignoring the situation in hopes that it will solve itself. I mean, this is not the type of thing that you can just put off. You know you need to do it, just suck it up and go do it.
I don't want to always be the one who takes care of everything. I want someone who I can rely on to do what needs to be done. I'm afraid that Niall isn't going to be that someone. Time will tell, but I'm still afraid. And in turn, that fear is making me hold myself back emotionally. I want things to work, but if they don't, I don't want to get hurt. So I guess I'm bracing myself. Which begs the question, am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?